Fear Disguised as Discernment

Faith Over Fear

I recently had to ask myself an uncomfortable question: Am I truly waiting on God, or am I stalling because of fear?

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

Lately I have been asking myself an uncomfortable question. When I say I am waiting on God, am I really just afraid of change and settling for what feels familiar? My wife and I have been talking about a major life decision. I found myself quickly dismissing it without even thinking or praying about it. I convinced myself I was waiting on God. Counting the cost. Being wise. That language sounds scriptural and spiritual, and some of it may even be. Who was I fooling? Not my wife! She is so awesome and patient with me. Once I finally started to think and pray about it seriously, a harder question rose up. Am I truly seeking God’s direction in this area, or am I being intimidated by fear and calling it discernment? I am content with where I am. Or maybe I am just comfortable. Recovery has taught me that fear seldom announces itself and says, “Hey, look at me.” Many times it speaks in very calm, reasonable tones. Sometimes it sounds like wisdom.

Waiting on God and hiding from change can look very similar from the outside. Both involve pausing. Both involve prayer. Both involve caution. The difference is in the motive. Wisdom pauses to listen. Fear pauses to avoid discomfort. Wisdom seeks clarity. Fear seeks certainty. I realized that part of me wanted guarantees. I wanted to know how it would work out. I wanted assurances before taking any step at all. But that is not how faith works. That is not how God leads me. He asks me to take a step of faith, like Peter, stepping out on the water in the middle of the storm. There is a reason He gave me the Holy Spirit. There is a reason He is called the Comforter. Why would I need comfort or a Comforter if I were never to face an uncomfortable situation? And if I were never in an uncomfortable situation, am I really walking in faith? Scripture tells me to seek God and ask Him for wisdom. God provides the outcomes. He does give assurance according to His promises. And His promises come after I step out in faith and obedience. It is up to me to seek God’s will, and ask for direction then act in obedience.

Recovery has given me the ability to examine my motives honestly. Once I see them, I don’t beat myself up for them. I acknowledge them and admit the truth of what I see. The truth is, I am afraid. I feel uncertain about the decision. At the same time, comfort is available. I also have the desire and willingness to seek God’s will. I don’t want fear making decisions for me, and I don’t want impatience making them either. I want clarity. If God says stay, I will stay. If He says move, I will move. My responsibility isn’t to avoid the question or force an answer. My responsibility is to seek Him sincerely and be willing to act when He makes the direction clear. That cannot happen if I never even ask or seek Him. When I do that, I am practicing honesty and humility instead of control. It is liberating. Being able to recognize and see my true self – that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer

Father, help me recognize when I am being intimidated by fear. Teach me how to seek Your will and trust Your promises even when the path ahead is uncertain. Give me the courage to act when You make the way clear. Help me walk by faith and not by fear. Amen.