Where Do I See God Today?

His Gentle Whisper

I am noticing that God is often working in the small daily moments I usually overlook.

And after the fire came the sound of a gentle whisper. 1 Kings 19:12

Recently my sponsor gave me an assignment that stumped me. Sponsors have a way of doing that, don’t they? He said he wanted me to answer a question. It seemed easy enough. The question was, “Where do you see God in your life today?” At first, I thought that was a simple question for me to answer and would be really quick. I have a close relationship with God. No problem. But when I sat down to actually think about it and write my answer, I got stuck. I think I was expecting some kind of deep spiritual answer. Something dramatic. Some big breakthrough moment or miracle story. Instead, I sat with that question for several days, praying and really thinking about it. Where do I see God in my life today?

My answer surprised me. I wasn’t seeing Him so much in the outward dramatic things. I was seeing Him inwardly, in the small changes happening inside of me. I see Him in my morning routine. In reading recovery literature and my devotional. In listening to recovery messages on my way to work. I see Him through the people who encourage me. And I see Him in the quiet moments where I just pause and think. It reminded me of Elijah in the cave when God showed him His voice wasn’t in the earthquake, the fire, or the wind, but in the still small voice. That’s where I see God today.

What really stood out to me was how much I see God now in the changes happening inside of me. I see Him when I pause instead of immediately reacting. I see Him when I choose not to send the snarky message I was thinking about sending. I see Him in the way my thinking has changed over time. Recovery has helped me become more aware of myself, my motives, my pride, and my tendency to try to control everything. Before recovery, I usually only looked for God in the huge moments of life. Now I’m learning to see Him in the small moments too. Things like when I have peace. When I show restraint. When I gain perspective. When I can see my own growth. And when I don’t insist things have to be done my way and I surrender control. That’s where I see God today.

I also realized something else while thinking about that question. I am usually much harder on myself than God is. I keep thinking I should be doing more, praying more, reading more, writing more, and accomplishing more. There is still a residue of that corrupt core belief that I am not good enough. But I have come so far from where I was when I started. When I honestly look at my life today compared to who I used to be, I can clearly see that God has been working in me this whole time. Not perfectly. Not instantly. But faithfully. He has been changing the way I think, the way I respond, and the way I live. He has been meeting me where I am and bringing me toward where He wants me to be. And maybe that was the answer to my sponsor’s question all along. I no longer only look for God in dramatic miracles. I see Him in the small daily changes happening inside of me. That’s where I see God today. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer

Father, thank You for helping me see You in my everyday life. Help me to slow down and recognize the ways You are working in me and around me. Teach me to trust the growth process, even when it feels small or slow. Thank You for continuing to change me one day at a time. Amen.

Putting It Into Practice

I used to look down on devotionals… now I’m writing one. God has a sense of humor.

God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. James 4:6

When I was early in my walk with the Lord, I used to look down on people who read daily devotionals. I thought that they were less spiritual. That they didn’t know how to read the Bible for themselves or seek God for themselves. They needed a book to guide them. It was pride and arrogance. I won’t deny that.

When I got into recovery, I leaned on those daily devotionals. They helped me to see things differently. They introduced ideas and concepts to me that I had never thought about. Many times reinforcing beliefs I already had but didn’t know how to put into practice at the time. And by reading about how someone else had dealt with something, it gave me an example or a model to try. And I found much success in doing so.

God has a sense of humor. This past year I have felt inspired and led by Him to write devotionals, which I’m doing. He has also shown me how they will be developed into a 365 day, daily devotional book. These postings on social media are a sample of those writings. I find that I’m growing more in writing them too. I feel like I now have an outlet for sharing with others the things He is revealing in me and has shown me. That was something that had previously frustrated me for many years. The feeling that I had all these deposits from Him inside me with no one to share them with.

I’m thankful that God never gave up on me. That He led me and guided me all the way. Even when I was obstinate and difficult. When I was rebellious. He was there the whole time. He was taking whatever I would give Him and working with it. I’m grateful that He led me to recovery where I found the balance between spiritual insight and practical application. I love Him so much for that. And when I reflect on how He’s now using me to write daily devotionals, I see His sense of humor being displayed in my life.

Prayer
Father, thank You for never giving up on me. Thank You for showing me how to put into practice and share what You are showing me. Amen.

Not Doing What I Believe

A simple question exposed something deeper in me.

If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. John 13:17

I recently had someone ask me a question that challenged my faith and my beliefs. They weren’t doing it intentionally. They simply asked a question about something I wrote in my book. I thought about it for a moment. It was such a simple question: “What is your gift?” I was silenced. I had no response. I was stuck trying to grasp the question. I thought, What is my gift? I told them how God has used me in the past, but I was dumbfounded to come up with an answer to that question as it relates to me now.

Why was it so hard for me to answer that question? It’s because inside, I know I am not doing my gift. I’m not walking in what I feel God wants me to do. And that’s why I had no answer. I didn’t want to lie. I didn’t want to make something up. I didn’t want to be dishonest. So instead of saying something that I may no longer believe or that I no longer see in my life, I was silent. Finally, I answered with the gifts God has given me, and I thought about how active those really are in my life today. And what I came up with was this: I am not doing what I believe. That was hard to swallow. Very hard. I didn’t need to do any writing about this one. I didn’t need to pray and seek God about it either. I already knew I wasn’t surrendering all areas of my life to God.

I’m grateful that recovery teaches me to look at my progress and not perfection. So I don’t beat myself up or condemn myself for not being perfect or for not surrendering every area of my life to God at one time. Today, I’m thankful that I saw another area in my life that I can surrender. This one’s going to take some time though. It’s not going to be easy either, because it deals with my core beliefs and values. But I’m confident that God is faithful, and just as He showed me this area to surrender, He will provide me the wisdom and strength to do so as well.

Prayer
God, help me surrender all areas of my life to You and live what I truly believe. Give me the strength and courage to face and overcome the obstacles that hinder me from doing so. Help me to do Your will. Amen.

Seeking Approval

God Has Already Given It

I’m learning to stop chasing approval from people who may never give it… and instead lean into the approval God has already given me.

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Galatians 1:10

Why do I seek approval from those who don’t or won’t give it? And yet I discount or dismiss approval from those who do? Why does the approval I can’t get seem to matter more than the approval I already have? When I think about it, the ones I am seeking approval from are parent figures and authority figures. And the ones who are willing to give it, I tend to dismiss or minimize, because they’re not the ones I’m seeking approval from.

This awareness doesn’t solve my problem, nor does it fix it. But it does cause me to realize that it’s a me issue and not a them issue. Granted, those parental figures who refuse to give approval have a part to play, but that’s their part. That’s not always easy for me to accept. I want it to be about them. I want them to change so I can feel better. That would be a lot easier. But by working the steps of recovery, I’m learning that I need to focus on my part. I cannot change them, no matter how hard I try. Trying only leaves me frustrated and puts me in a position where I’m tempted to manipulate and control to get my emotional needs met. My feelings get hurt and I feel less than again. That’s all about me.

Recovery has helped me climb out of that pit. By focusing on myself and what I can do. By focusing on what is within my power, and what I need to do to see that change happen. I know I have God’s approval, and when I think about that, it helps me keep things in perspective. Who is more of an authority or parental figure than God? If I have His approval, then I don’t need theirs the same way. I don’t have the solution for this right now. I only have a guide that leads me down a path toward peace. I realize this is about me and my core issues. I sometimes still feel less than and need approval. And because I can see that, I know the solution also lies within me, even if I’m not fully aware of it yet. But I have hope. Because of the tools and principles I’ve learned in recovery, and because of God helping me, I know I won’t stay stuck here. He will help me change.

Reflection
What would change if I truly believed I already have God’s approval?

A Better Father Than Me

Through My Children

The way I love my children helped me understand how God loves me.

If you, imperfect as you are, know how to lovingly take care of your children and give them what’s best, how much more ready is your heavenly Father to give wonderful gifts to those who ask him. Matthew 7:11

Sometimes I struggle with the concept of a loving, caring God. It’s hard for me to believe that God would care for me regardless of, or even in spite of, the things I do. That He would love and accept me for who I am. I start to ask myself why. Why would God have compassion for me? Why would He be there? Why would He help me? Why would He even want to? And honestly, it’s held me back in my life. I want to believe it, but I never saw it modeled in my life, so I don’t even know what it would look like.

I was pondering this today and I started thinking about my children and how I would do anything for them within my power. If there was anything they needed or wanted, I would do whatever I could to make it happen. If they’re in trouble or something’s bothering them, I want to know, because I care about them. I love them. And if there’s anything I can do to help or ease their pain, I would do it. That’s when the aha moment hit. God cares for me the same way. After reflecting on that, I realized the fact that I even have that comparison to think about parenthood and God came from God to help me and give me perspective. He is so good.

When I started to put that into perspective, I realized God is probably a better parent than I am. So if I have those feelings toward my children, and I would do anything within my power to help them, to love them, to care for them, to accept them, even if they were mad at me or even if they refused, I would still be willing and available. Why wouldn’t God be the same toward me? My obvious conclusion is He would, and probably even more so. What I’ve found is I am my worst critic. I am hard on myself. I judge myself. I consider myself not worthy. But when I look at my children, I realize there is nothing they could ever do that would cause me not to love them or care for them. Nothing. That allows me to be more gentle with myself. It helps me accept that God will never reject me, that He loves me, that He cares for me, and that He’s always there willing to help me. That matters because it gives me confidence to ask Him for help, knowing He’s there when I do. That’s part of the gift of recovery for me.

Reflection
What would change if I actually believed God cares for me the way I care for my children?

What Was So Good About Friday?

What felt like the worst day of my life… became the turning point.

Why do we call it Good Friday? It’s the day Jesus Christ died for our sins. It’s the day He paid the price for everything that had gone wrong. That’s what we’ve been told. That’s what we know. But if you really think about it… there was nothing good about that day when it was happening.

It was betrayal, pain, and loss. Jesus was in agony, knowing what was coming. He was betrayed by one of His own, denied by another, and left alone by the rest. He was beaten, mocked, falsely accused, and sentenced to die. There was nothing about that moment that felt good. It looked like the worst possible outcome.

And honestly… I’ve had a day like that too.

A time in my life where everything fell apart. I felt lost, broken, and alone. I couldn’t think straight. I cried more than I ever had. I felt abandoned, unloved, and unwanted. I didn’t want to live… but I didn’t have the courage to die. That was my bottom. That was my version of a “Good Friday,” and there was nothing good about it when I was in it.

But looking back now… I see it differently.

That was the place where everything started to change. That pain brought me to a place where I was finally willing to do something different. It humbled me enough to admit I needed help, and gave me just enough willingness to ask for it. That’s where recovery started for me. Not when things got better… but when everything broke.

I believed in God before that, but I hadn’t surrendered. Not really. When I finally did—when I let go of trying to control everything and started trusting Him—that’s when my life began to change.

So when I think about why it’s called Good Friday… I understand it now.

Not because it felt good. Not because it looked good. But because of what came out of it.

That was my Good Friday.

Reflection:

Have you had a “Good Friday” moment when life broke you enough to make you reach out for help? How did God meet you in that moment?

He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

Faith That Shows Up

Trusting the Process

I used to think faith was something I believed. Now I’m learning it’s something I do. Showing up, even for 15 minutes, changed more than I expected.

Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even if we do not see it. Hebrews 11:1

The topic in my meeting last night was, what does faith mean to me. I paused for a moment, because sometimes I can get stuck on how something is said and completely miss the meaning and intent. So, I decided to try and consider what was really being asked instead. I used to only attribute faith to biblical principles and ideas. But the phrasing of the question, and listening to others share, got me thinking about it differently. I wanted to identify the practical application of faith, especially as it relates to my recovery. As I listened, I was reminded of when I first started recovery and hearing the phrase, “Keep coming back, it works.” Honestly, that sounded cute, but it didn’t make much sense to me at the time. How was going to a meeting and listening to other people’s problems going to fix anything around me? I was looking for answers to my own problems, not take on someone else’s too. I wanted to figure things out and control the situation. But something in me was willing to take a chance anyway. This was something new, something I knew nothing about. It was a risk. It meant trusting something that didn’t make sense. It was a paradox.

I remember one time I showed up late to a meeting because of work and everything else going on. I only caught the last 15 minutes. I almost didn’t go. I thought, what’s the point? Drive all the way there just for it to be over. But I went anyway and I stayed. And I got something out of those 15 minutes. Honestly, I got a lot out of it. After the meeting, my sponsor told me something I’ve never forgotten. He said, a little bit of recovery is better than no recovery at all. That stuck with me. Showing up like that, going anyway just for 15 minutes, that was faith. Staying after the meeting and talking with my sponsor was faith. It was doing the next right thing. It was taking action even when I didn’t feel like it or understand it. That is what faith means to me.

What I’ve found is that when I keep coming back, something starts to change. Not everything around me, but something inside me. I begin to change. And even when that wasn’t my original goal, it became the result. Faith, for me, is being willing to trust the process, even when everything in me is telling me otherwise. It’s believing something good can come out of all the pain of my past, even when I don’t see it yet. It’s practical. It shows up in action, in willingness, going to meetings and working the steps. And little by little, I see it working. My life has gotten better one step, one action at a time.

Prayer
Father, help me to trust You even when it doesn’t make sense. Give me the willingness to show up and take the next right step. Teach me how to live this out in my daily life. Amen.

Self Reliance

Back to Basics

I still need God. I still need people. That hasn’t changed.

Trust the Lord completely, and don’t depend on your own knowledge. Proverbs 3:5

I was recently asked to share at a beginners meeting. What I heard in the readings was this reminder: go to meetings and share when I can, get a sponsor, work all the Steps in order starting with Step One, read recovery literature every day, and use the phone between meetings. And I saw something subtle lurking inside me. It’s easy for me to become complacent as things get better. As I experience more peace and happiness, I can drift and forget what brought me here. It reminded me why I came to recovery in the first place. It reminded me not to become complacent, not to drift, not to start thinking I did this on my own. If I could have found this peace and happiness through my own self-reliance, I would have. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. It eluded me at every turn, no matter how much I longed for it.

Realizing that I need God and other people humbles me. It keeps me simple. It keeps me seeking. It reminds me I haven’t arrived and I don’t have it all together. That kind of thinking leads me right back to relapse. It takes me back to old behaviors and a life I no longer want. I need this. I need Him. I need people.

So what do I do? I pray. I sincerely pray and seek God for His will, His wisdom, and His direction in my life. I choose to accept the changes He wants to make in me. I reach out to other people and am vulnerable, sharing my true self. That keeps me humble. It pushes back pride. Living this way has brought me what matters most to me now. Something I longed for my whole life but didn’t even know I was missing. That is connection. Real relationships. First with God, and then with other people. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer
Father, help me to continue doing the next right thing. Help me keep doing what I did in the beginning. Thank You for reminding me that I need not only You but others. Give me the courage to continue this journey and keep reaching out and seeking help. Amen.

Why I Need to Be Right

Hearing vs Proving

I didn’t realize how much I needed to be right… until I saw how it kept me from actually listening.

My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily. James 1:19

I was having a conversation with a friend, and we had different opinions about something. It wasn’t heated, we just saw things differently and were discussing it. At one point, we were both talking at the same time, neither one of us really listening. I remember saying, “You’re not listening. You keep interrupting me.” That was when our discussion turned into an argument. And I was convinced they were the problem.

Later, I prayed about it. I was seeking God’s wisdom about the situation. But I was also asking God to show me how I was right and they were wrong. But instead, God showed me something different. He showed me I was doing the exact same thing. When I was saying that they were not listening and kept interrupting me, I was talking over them too. I wasn’t listening either. And what He really showed me was a shift in my mindset. Instead of saying, “You’re not listening,” I could have said, “I feel like I’m unheard. I feel like what I say doesn’t matter.” That’s different. That would have been more honest and vulnerable. Because I really don’t know what’s going on inside of them, but I do have an idea of what’s going on inside me.

I also know that is recovery. Keeping the focus on me. Staying on my own side of the street. Keeping my nose on my own face. Using I and me statements instead of you. When I shifted my perspective to what I was feeling instead of what they were doing, I saw it. I was feeling like I wasn’t good enough again. That is my character defect being hit. It really had nothing to do with my friend at all. I was feeling unimportant and unheard. That is all me. What really stood out to me was this. I was able to listen when God corrected me, but I wasn’t willing to listen to my friend. With God, I was submitted, open, and willing to hear. But in that conversation, I was more focused on being right than being willing. It makes me think… if I had approached my friend with that same posture, with more humility and respect, I might have actually been able to listen to them in the first place.

When that feeling of not being good enough gets triggered, I start trying to prove myself instead of just being honest about what I feel. With God’s help and the tools of recovery, I am seeing that more clearly. Praying about it helped me pause, take inventory, and give it over to God. But it also showed me something else. The same way I’m willing to listen when God corrects me, I want to start bringing that same willingness into my conversations with other people. Not trying to prove I’m right, but being willing to hear. Being willing to pause. Being willing to stay open. I don’t have to fix the other person. I just have to stay honest about what’s going on in me and be willing to listen. And that changes everything. That is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer
Father, Teach me how to listen and understand. Help me keep my focus on what’s going on in me, not others. Keep me honest, open, and teachable. Thank You. Amen.

BE STILL AND KNOW

(An excerpt from my book Hearing God’s Voice Every Day!)

Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth!
Psalm 46:10

In my study along these lines, I came across this verse. Now I have heard this verse and read it hundreds if not thousands of times. I have used it and quoted it many, many times in ministering to others and in my preaching and teaching. However, I had never taken the time to study this verse. I mean it seemed self-explanatory. I have found that it is often these seemingly obvious verses that once expounded become much larger and more meaningful. Well, this verse is one of those verses. This verse went off inside my being like an explosion.

Be STILL in Hebrew is a verb that is causative and in the imperative tense. That means is before we even can look at what this word means, we need to look at how it is used. Being causative means that whatever this thing is, it causes a result or another action. It leads to something else. That it is in the imperative tells us that it is forceful, a directive, much like a command. This is not optional. So, before we even look at what the definition of this word is, we have an understanding that it is not an option but a directive from the Lord and it will cause something else to happen and follow.

The definition of the word is: to be alone (alone with God), relax, abate, withdraw, refrain, cease. What are we to relax, withdraw, refrain from, or cease from? Talking. BE QUIET. Yep! That is what it means. STOP TALKING. STOP THINKING. If we will do this. If you follow this directive, then it will cause something else to happen.

And KNOW in Hebrew is also a verb. This verb though is casual, although still in the imperative. Casual means that it will happen easily, it just happens. If you do this, then that will happen type of thing. So, to have the “knowing” part of this verse we must first accomplish the “stilling” part of the verse. And the word still being in the imperative tells us again this is not an option. Serving and seeking God is not an a la carte type of thing where we can pick and choose what and how we want to do it. Even though that seems to be a prevalent thought and idea these days, it is not accurate. If we want to receive the promises and blessings God has for us, many times we must follow the prescribed method that God has indicated. In this case… If we want to know that He is God, we must first be still. The reason why is that the word know is the word YADA in Hebrew. This word YADA is huge. Yes, it means to know, but so much more. To see, observe, reflect, hear, perceive, and recognize. It is a word used much about the prophets and prophetic visions and seeing into the future even. It is not just to acknowledge; it is to know things that you cannot know otherwise. It is revelation from God. It is hearing the voice of God.

So, in summary, if we want to hear the voice of God, clearly. (To see and understand), We need to be quiet. We need to stop talking. We need to stop thinking, (trying to figure things out). We need to quiet our mouths and our minds. If we will do this, then the knowing will come. The revelation. The hearing from God. Will happen and happen easily, without effort.

ALONE WITH GOD

We see Jesus alone with God in prayer (Matthew 14:23). And after His time alone in prayer with God, He is seen walking on the water to the disciples and He rescues them. (Matthew 14:25) How did he “know” to go rescue them from up on top of the mountain where He was praying? Jesus said, “I only do those things I see my Father do” (John 5:19). Jesus was “still” with God the Father and in so doing, He “knew” from God the Father what to do.

In another example, we see when the disciples were alone with Jesus, they were “still” with Jesus, that Jesus expounded or made them to “know” all things. (Mark 4:34). Receiving revelation is knowing.

Another time Jesus was alone in prayer and the disciples joined Him, they were “still” (Luke 9:18) and right after this time of being still, Peter has the revelation that Jesus is the Son of God. Jesus told Peter only the Father can reveal or make you “know” this information. And this was different information than what the religious leaders and the masses had. It was even different information than the rest of the other apostles had at the time. (Matthew 16:18)

It is important to be alone with God. To spend time alone with Him. For it is in these times that we encounter the Creator of the universe and Lover of our souls. When we can be still and quiet in His presence and just wait on Him: He shows up; He speaks; He delivers; He heals; He reveals; He refreshes. Wait patiently on the Lord.

But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Waiting on the Lord causes a renewing and refreshing of our soul. It gives us strength to go beyond the natural limitations of our physical body. It gives us endurance.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope. Psalm 130:5

When waiting on the Lord our soul waits. That is our mind, will, and emotions. So, we are to calm and silence our mind, our will, and our emotions. We wait in silence on Him and hope in His word.

¹ I waited patiently for the LORD; And He inclined to me, And heard my cry. ²He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, Out of the miry clay, And set my feet upon a rock, And established my steps. ³He has put a new song in my mouth– Praise to our God; Many will see it and fear And will trust in the LORD. Psalm 40:1-3

When we wait on Him, He hears us, and He delivers us, He sets us on solid ground and establishes us. We can have confidence that we are stable and secure. We are SAFE. He also puts a new song in our mouths. This speaks of revelation. He fills our mouths with revelation straight from Him. This revelation bypasses our mind and our will as they are silent and quiet as we wait. This shows us the spontaneous nature of revelation. It is all by grace.

(An excerpt from my book Hearing God’s Voice Every Day!)

Focus on the Solution

The Next Right Step

When I finally moved, I discovered God had already been helping me.

Do what God’s teaching says; when you only listen and do nothing, you are fooling yourselves. James 1:22

It’s paradoxical. When I focus on the problem instead of the solution, I stay stuck in it. I get frustrated and angry. The why me’s and the if only’s come in like a flood and overtake my thinking. Then it spills into my emotions and leaks out in my conversations before it shows up in my actions. Before long I am a victim again. But when I change my thinking to focus on the solution, my perspective changes and that is when I start to see progress. That’s what I love about recovery. It doesn’t leave me stuck in the problem. There is a solution. But it is up to me to do something to get it.

Before recovery, I was in bondage. I was struggling. When I focused on my problems, they only intensified. I begged and pleaded with God to take away my addiction. I spent hours in heartfelt prayer, with real tears and real remorse, only to repeat the same behavior again and again. When I came back into my right mind, regret would flood in and overwhelm me. I would promise God I would do better next time. I asked Him to stop me, to remind me, to intervene before I fell. But it never happened. Because I never made a decision to actually change. I never followed it with action or put anything in place to keep me from falling. I was blaming God for not stopping me.

The turning point came when I hit my bottom. It was a dark day, but it was also a good day because it was the day I finally stopped and made a decision. I changed my thinking, and I followed it with action. When I did, I realized all those prayers I prayed were not wasted. They were seeds. God did help me. He did prompt me when I was tempted, but this time I responded differently. I stayed. I chose differently. I did something with what He was showing me. That is the difference for me today. I stopped waiting for God to do for me what He was showing me to do. I am not focusing on the problem anymore. I am taking responsibility and moving toward the solution, one decision at a time. And this is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer
Father, help me stop focusing on the problem. Show me how to focus on the solution. Give me the courage to take the next right step. Thank You. Amen.

Recognizing God’s Guidance

Sometimes God’s guidance does not come the way I expect. He often speaks to me through step work, and other people.

The Lord says, “I will make you wise and show you where to go. I will guide you and watch over you.” Psalm 32:8

I was recently doing step work and answering the question, “Do I sense spiritual guidance in my life?” My immediate answer was yes. But when I slowed down and thought about it more, I realized something deeper. For me, I saw a hidden question. It was not whether I believed in spiritual guidance. It was: How do I actually recognize and know when it happens? The interesting thing is that believing in God was never the issue for me. I already believed in God before coming to recovery. I had believed in Him for most of my life. In fact, before coming to recovery I had spent many years serving in churches and even became an ordained minister. I would have said that I had a real relationship with God.

Before recovery, I mostly expected God’s guidance to show up in religious spiritual ways. I thought that through prayer and reading my Bible I would have some deep spiritual experience. What I did not recognize was that He was already trying to guide me in other ways. He was guiding me through other people, through circumstances, and even through uncomfortable truths about myself. I just was not listening. My pride and my own understanding often got in the way. It was not until I became humble and willing to walk into a recovery room that things began to shift. I had to honestly admit that I did not have all the answers. That willingness to listen was the first place I began to recognize God’s guidance in my life.

Recovery gave me practical tools that helped me hear His guidance more clearly. Today I see God working through things like meetings, literature, step work, and conversations with other people in the program. When I attend a meeting and hear someone share something that speaks to me, I recognize that as guidance. When I read recovery literature and I think, “That’s me, I do that.” I know God is teaching me something. When I sit down and do honest step work and ask myself what my part is and what I need to change, the things I write down bring clarity. That is another way I experience spiritual guidance.

One of the biggest surprises to me in recovery is how often God speaks through other people. Sometimes it is my sponsor offering a suggestion I did not want to hear. Sometimes it is something simple that someone shares in a meeting. Sometimes it is a quiet moment during prayer when a new thought comes to mind about how I could do things differently. I have learned that if I stay humble and willing, God can speak to me through anyone. Recovery did not replace my faith. It helped me experience God in a much more practical way. The Steps and principles of recovery became a “here’s how you do it manual” for living happy, joyous, and free. They help me apply the spiritual principles I had believed in for years to my real situations. That is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer
Father, thank You for guiding me even when I wasn’t aware of it. Help me stay humble and willing to listen. Teach me to hear Your voice and recognize when You are guiding me. Thank You for leading me one step at a time. Amen.

Fixing Me, Not Him

Seeing My Part

Peace came when I stopped trying to fix him and started letting God work on me.

O God, let the secrets of my heart be uncovered, and let my wandering thoughts be tested:
See if there is any way of sorrow in me, and be my guide in the eternal way. Psalm 139:23–24

My youngest daughter plays softball and she really enjoys it. Last year I volunteered to help coach her team. It was a great season. This year I signed her up and volunteered to help coach again. When I showed up for the assessments, I was informed that I was the manager. I told them I could not make that commitment due to my work schedule. So another volunteer and I agreed to co-manage and co-coach the team. Except his name was listed as the manager. It didn’t bother me at the time. We had worked together before.

Over the weekend there was a coach’s meeting which he attended. He didn’t inform me about it either. There have been other communications that he has received about the team that he has not shared with me. At our last practice, I suggested to him that we get together over coffee and discuss our game plan etc. He seemed uninterested and I felt dismissed. I was hurt that he didn’t accept my invitation, and there has been no direct communication from him. I was not only hurt but I started to get angry. I started questioning why I didn’t accept the manager’s position in the first place. Why did I defer?

This was still bothering the next morning. When things bother me or upset me now, I have tools to use to get me through it. So, I decided to apply my recovery principles and write about it. I asked myself, Why was I hurt? Why was I upset? As I sat with it for a bit, I realized I felt out of control. I felt powerless. I felt unwanted and not important. There it is. My character defect of feeling not good enough was staring at me and mocking me. When I saw it was my issue being triggered, I knew I had to surrender this to God and let it go. My character defects do not just go away. They are still present with me today. The difference is that I am not as bothered by them as I used to be. They don’t take up camp and stay with me as long anymore. I am able to spot them much sooner than I used to. I am no longer in denial about my defects or that I have a part to play. Things were not done to me, they were just done. I am the one who was hurt.

After I wrote about it and saw my part, I knew I had something to do. I told God about my hurts and how I felt. I asked for His guidance and wisdom in dealing with the situation. I felt the hurt leave and peace fill my mind. At the same time, my anger began to fade. I had a couple of new thoughts come into my mind and I followed them. I chose to focus on fixing me and not him. When I focus on changing me, it keeps resentment from developing later. I contacted this person, met with him, and asked him to share the information with me. I asked what he needed from me, and I shared what I needed from him as well. I resisted the urge to tell him how wrong I thought he was. I did not challenge his leadership. We shared as friends, and it was a very good meeting. I think we grew closer. I am glad that I followed the ideas that came to me in prayer. It was God leading me and guiding me. That is the gift of recovery for me today.

Prayer

Father, thank You for helping me notice when old hurts rise up. Remind me to slow down and bring them to You. Help me always see my part and surrender it to You. Thank You for the peace You give me when I follow You. Amen.

THE ROLE OF OUR CONSCIENCE

(An excerpt from my book Hearing God’s Voice Every Day!)

OUR BORN-AGAIN CONSCIENCE

the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. John 14:17

The world CANNOT receive the Holy Spirit! We the believers CAN and DO. This is an extremely important key. Holy Spirit is for believers, NOT THE WORLD. The world CANNOT receive Holy Spirit.

⁷ Nevertheless I tell you the truth. It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I depart, I will send Him to you. ⁸ And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment: ⁹ of sin, because they do not believe in Me; ¹⁰ of righteousness, because I go to My Father and you see Me no more; ¹¹ of judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged. ¹² I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. ¹³ However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come. John 16:7-13

Holy Spirit does not convict believers of sin. He convicts the world of sin. This may be news to you. The world cannot receive Holy Spirit, only believers can, that is why He convicts them (the world) of sin, because they do not believe in Jesus. We do believe in Jesus, so we have Holy Spirit inside of us. I am aware that there are many in the church today who believe that Holy Spirit does convict believers of sin. But you will not find support for this thought and belief in the Bible. It is a religious tradition and man-made theology. I am not saying this in a judgmental way, but to remove guilt from your thinking. This teaching will hinder you in hearing from God because you will view the Holy Spirit differently and some even become afraid. The believer need not be afraid of Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit is our Guide. He guides us. There is a difference.

I am not saying that believers are not convicted of wrongdoing. Believers are. It is just, that it is not Holy Spirit who is convicting believers. It’s our born-again conscience that convicts us. The Bible says that our own conscience convicts us of sin. If our conscience is soft and tender toward God and we are willing to listen and obey. Obey means to do what He asks. Once we accept this concept, it opens the door for us to trust and have confidence in our own born-again conscience. Remember the Bible tells us that He gives us a new heart and a new spirit. The old heart is taken away. The old man died with Christ. Once we are in Christ, we are one with Him. He has filled us with the fullness of His Spirit. He leads us by His Spirit that resides inside our spirit. Our spirit and His Spirit are one. (1 Corinthians 6:17). Because our spirit is one with His spirit, we can now trust that our spirit is safe to listen to and follow. Christ takes up residency inside of the believer by His Spirit, or Holy Spirit. We know that God does not dwell in sin, this is why the person must be born again. If Holy Spirit entered a non-born-again spirit, they would be destroyed. Jesus explains this principle to us in the analogy of the wineskins. He said you cannot put new wine in old wineskins, or both will be destroyed, but new wine must be put in new wineskins and then both will be preserved. (Luke 5:37-38). This analogy is referring to us needing to have a new spirit, being born again, born of the spirit (John 3:6) so that we can receive God’s spirit (New Wine) into our spirit (Wineskin). Since we have a brand new born-again spirit that comes from God and He has filled it with His Spirit, then suffice it to say, we can trust what our spirit is telling us. The spirit of man is the candle of the Lord.

Proverbs 20:27
The spirit of a man is the lamp of the Lord, Searching all the inner depths of his heart.

This verse explains to us that God speaks to us, leads us, and guides us by illuminating our spirit.

Let’s look at some examples of the conscience convicting people from the scriptures.

Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. John 8:9

Notice how these individuals were convicted. They were convicted by their own conscience. And they left one by one. They were not convicted by Holy Spirit.

Then Paul, looking earnestly at the council, said, “Men and brethren, I have lived in all good conscience before God until this day.” Acts 23:1

Paul’s defense was that he lived in all good conscience. Why was this his defense? Paul was very well educated in the Scriptures and the Law. And there was no rebuttal to his defense. None! I can’t help but ask “Why?”. I think it is because they all knew that it was their own conscience that convicted them.

This being so, I myself always strive to have a conscience without offense toward God and men. Acts 24:16

Here again, Paul is describing how his conscience was pure before God. We know that Paul had killed Christians before his conversion. And he also admitted that he was chief of sinners (1 Timothy 1:15). Even though Paul was a chief sinner in the Law before coming to Christ, his born-again conscience, in Christ could now be trusted. He was now innocent and righteous through Christ.

who show the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and between themselves their thoughts accusing or else excusing them) Romans 2:15

Our own conscience will bear witness with us. This is another way of saying confirmation. Our own conscience inside of us, will either accuse or convict us or it will exonerate and excuse us.

I tell the truth in Christ, I am not lying, my conscience also bearing me witness in the Holy Spirit, Romans 9:1

Part of Paul’s defense was that his own conscience bore witness within him. Paul also says this was in the Holy Spirit. This tells us that Holy Spirit bears witness with our conscience.

However, there is not in everyone that knowledge; for some, with consciousness of the idol, until now eat it as a thing offered to an idol; and their conscience, being weak, is defiled. 1 Corinthians 8:7

Here Paul tells us that if our own conscience is weak, it won’t convict us when it should. Our conscience can even be so seared that it is scarred and not sensitive and then cannot be trusted. (1 Timothy 4:2)

²⁵ Eat whatever is sold in the meat market, asking no questions for conscience’ sake; ²⁶ for “the earth is the LORD’S, and all its fullness.” ²⁷ If any of those who do not believe invites you to dinner, and you desire to go, eat whatever is set before you, asking no question for conscience’ sake. ²⁸ But if anyone says to you, “This was offered to idols,” do not eat it for the sake of the one who told you, and for conscience’ sake; for “the earth is the LORD’S, and all its fullness.” ²⁹ “Conscience,” I say, not your own, but that of the other. For why is my liberty judged by another man’s conscience? 1 Corinthians 10:25-29

Although Paul is specifically addressing being able to eat unclean foods, which was against the Jewish Law, he explains that our conscience can make us feel guilty even when we are innocent. He also gives insight that our conscience judges us and us alone. Our conscience doesn’t judge others. Paul said in another place “If we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged” 1 Corinthians 11:31.

Now when they heard this, they were pricked in their heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, “Men and brethren, what shall we do?” Acts 2:37

Here we see that the people were pricked in their heart after hearing the preaching of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Their own consciences made them feel remorse and convicted them, and they asked what they should do. They repented and were born again.

There’s another phrase used that is a little different but similar. It is “cut to the heart”. The Greek word used here means to cut asunder. It is defined as; to get to the core issue. In the following verses we see that the people addressed heard a message that cut right down to the core. They were convicted by their own conscience through the message they heard. These though chose a different path than those above. These did not repent and change. They got angry. Their consciences were seared, and they had a predetermined mind to not listen to their consciences.

But when these words came to their ears, they were cut to the heart, and had a mind to put them to death. Acts 5:33

“You stiff-necked and uncircumcised in heart and ears! You always resist the Holy Spirit; as your fathers did, so do you. Acts 7:51

When they heard these things, they were cut to the heart, and they gnashed at him with their teeth. Acts 7:54

A NEW WAY

but he is a Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is that of the heart, in the Spirit, not in the letter; whose praise is not from men but from God. Romans 2:29

This verse may seem like it doesn’t belong here, but oh how it does. Paul is saying that circumcision now is no longer in the flesh but in the heart. This is our conscience. The word circumcision means to cut. And to enter into the Abrahamic covenant as a Jew, one needed to become circumcised in the foreskin of the flesh. This was the entrance, by blood, into the Abrahamic covenant. Now through Jesus Christ, we enter into a covenant with God by circumcising our hearts, not our flesh. The entrance into this covenant is still by blood and the cutting of human flesh. It is not by cutting our flesh and having our blood flow, it is by the offering made by Jesus Christ on the cross. His flesh was cut, and His blood flowed. So, we now enter in vicariously through faith. It is our heart that is cut or circumcised. This happens when our conscience feels the tug of conviction through the words being preached.(See Romans 4:9-12, 1 Timothy 1:5, Hebrews 10:22)

²⁰ For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things. ²¹ Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence toward God. 1 John 3:20-21

Once we are born again and have a new heart, a pure heart. A heart created in the image and likeness of God. A new spirit – His spirit is dwelling inside us. We then can trust and have confidence in the leading and guiding of our conscience. Our spirit man.

We must stay tender to God and listen and obey the leading of our conscience or recreated newly born-again spirit. If we do not do so, our conscience can become seared and then can no longer be trusted as a guide.

(An excerpt from my book Hearing God’s Voice Every Day!)

Fear Disguised as Discernment

Faith Over Fear

I recently had to ask myself an uncomfortable question: Am I truly waiting on God, or am I stalling because of fear?

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5

Lately I have been asking myself an uncomfortable question. When I say I am waiting on God, am I really just afraid of change and settling for what feels familiar? My wife and I have been talking about a major life decision. I found myself quickly dismissing it without even thinking or praying about it. I convinced myself I was waiting on God. Counting the cost. Being wise. That language sounds scriptural and spiritual, and some of it may even be. Who was I fooling? Not my wife! She is so awesome and patient with me. Once I finally started to think and pray about it seriously, a harder question rose up. Am I truly seeking God’s direction in this area, or am I being intimidated by fear and calling it discernment? I am content with where I am. Or maybe I am just comfortable. Recovery has taught me that fear seldom announces itself and says, “Hey, look at me.” Many times it speaks in very calm, reasonable tones. Sometimes it sounds like wisdom.

Waiting on God and hiding from change can look very similar from the outside. Both involve pausing. Both involve prayer. Both involve caution. The difference is in the motive. Wisdom pauses to listen. Fear pauses to avoid discomfort. Wisdom seeks clarity. Fear seeks certainty. I realized that part of me wanted guarantees. I wanted to know how it would work out. I wanted assurances before taking any step at all. But that is not how faith works. That is not how God leads me. He asks me to take a step of faith, like Peter, stepping out on the water in the middle of the storm. There is a reason He gave me the Holy Spirit. There is a reason He is called the Comforter. Why would I need comfort or a Comforter if I were never to face an uncomfortable situation? And if I were never in an uncomfortable situation, am I really walking in faith? Scripture tells me to seek God and ask Him for wisdom. God provides the outcomes. He does give assurance according to His promises. And His promises come after I step out in faith and obedience. It is up to me to seek God’s will, and ask for direction then act in obedience.

Recovery has given me the ability to examine my motives honestly. Once I see them, I don’t beat myself up for them. I acknowledge them and admit the truth of what I see. The truth is, I am afraid. I feel uncertain about the decision. At the same time, comfort is available. I also have the desire and willingness to seek God’s will. I don’t want fear making decisions for me, and I don’t want impatience making them either. I want clarity. If God says stay, I will stay. If He says move, I will move. My responsibility isn’t to avoid the question or force an answer. My responsibility is to seek Him sincerely and be willing to act when He makes the direction clear. That cannot happen if I never even ask or seek Him. When I do that, I am practicing honesty and humility instead of control. It is liberating. Being able to recognize and see my true self – that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer

Father, help me recognize when I am being intimidated by fear. Teach me how to seek Your will and trust Your promises even when the path ahead is uncertain. Give me the courage to act when You make the way clear. Help me walk by faith and not by fear. Amen.