Liking Me Too

An Unexpected Gift

The gift of recovery for me is realizing that I am still growing, healing, and changing, even after all these years.

I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Philippians 3:12

At work recently, I sent a client a firm letter regarding an unpaid invoice. The bill was more than sixty days overdue, and the letter was our standard notice before sending an account to collections. The client happened to be a very good, regular client and close friends with one of our employees, so I casually asked if they knew whether there was a problem. It just didn’t seem like something this client would do. The employee shrugged and said, “How should I know?” Immediately, I felt bad. I thought I crossed a line for asking, so I apologized. I explained that it just seemed out of character for this client not to pay their bill. The employee then mentioned that they vaguely remembered the client making a payment when they first came in, but there was an adjustment to their invoice. That prompted me to do some digging. Sure enough, I discovered we had received the payment when they first came in, but it had never been applied to their invoice. The mistake was ours.

I corrected the account, applied the payment, and sent the client a receipt along with a brief email apology. Several days later the client came into the office. When I saw them, I walked over, explained what had happened, and apologized for the error. The client was gracious and seemed completely unbothered by the whole thing. Later that day, that same employee came up to me and said, “Thank you.” I smiled and asked, “For what?” She replied, “For being you. I really like the new you.” I thanked her and walked away, but her words stayed with me.

As I walked away, I felt something new rise up. The only way I could describe it is that I felt proud of myself. Not in an arrogant way, but in a healthy way. I felt grateful. Hopeful. Encouraged. Her words meant so much to me. The changes happening in me were obvious enough that someone else noticed without me pointing it out. I was happy. I was glad. I wasn’t just happy and glad that someone noticed. But the fact that someone else noticed meant these changes are real and not just imagined. I’m not thinking that things are different when they really aren’t. That was my old life. That was that denial self. This was different. It was tangible. Here is what is so cool and what I am grateful for. I have been practicing recovery for nineteen years. I am not the same person I was when I first walked into the rooms. God has changed so many things in my life over the years. Yet what struck me was that even now, after all this time, I am still growing and changing. Recovery is still working. God is still working on me.

Practicing the principles of recovery helps me see things I could never see on my own. Sometimes those discoveries come through inventory, prayer, journaling, or conversations with my sponsor. Other times they come through an unexpected comment from someone else. I just received an unexpected gift. Someone noticed the evidence of God’s work in my life. Their words reminded me that God is still helping me change. Just like He has been doing every day since I began this journey. I have not arrived or graduated from recovery. He is still changing me from the inside out. I am no longer the old man I used to be. I am becoming the man I always wanted to be. Today I can honestly say that I like the new me too.

Reflection

What evidence of God’s work in your life can you see today that you may not have recognized before?

Seeing the True Gift

God’s Faithfulness Once Again

Sometimes the greatest gift I receive is something different than the solution I am praying for.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father… James 1:17

Over the weekend, a billing error caused our card to be charged six times for the same purchase and completely overdrew our bank account. To make matters worse, my wife had a very important doctor’s appointment the next day. She needed money for a co-pay, gas for the car, and a prescription. None of those things could wait. I racked my brain trying to figure out a way to get some cash and ran through every option I could think of. My wife was frustrated. I was frustrated. Sometimes that frustration can turn into an argument. But we both have enough recovery to recognize that we were upset with the situation, not with each other. There wasn’t anything we could do about it late Sunday night. We discussed whether she should cancel and reschedule the appointment, but since it was a post-operation checkup to have her sutures removed, it was important. The next opening with the doctor was several weeks away. So we agreed to let it go for the night and trust God to provide a solution.

Being a single income family, we have learned to trust God as our source. He provides for our needs in all kinds of ways. God’s help is not always dramatic or miraculous. We read in the Bible about ravens bringing food to Elijah every day. But most of the time God works through very ordinary means. He often uses people, circumstances, and opportunities in our life. An extra shift at work. An unexpected sale. A phone call. A conversation. A new idea.

On Monday morning, I was waiting on payment for work I had done over the weekend. They pay through Venmo, but the payment is usually sent on Sunday. I was concerned my wife would have to cancel her appointment. Finally, the payment came through about thirty minutes before she needed to leave. Since transferring money to our account usually takes a day or two, I started looking for places that accepted Venmo directly. I found a gas station that did, so at least we could get fuel in the car. Then I remembered that Venmo has an instant transfer option. I never use it because I don’t like paying the fee, but I decided that if that was what it took, then that was what I would do. Since I never used it, I had no idea what the fee would be. I thought it would be a percentage of the payment. When I opened the app, I discovered I had been paid a little extra. It was more than enough to cover the transfer fee and get the money into our account immediately. The transfer fee was not as significant as I feared it would be either. Within minutes, my wife had what she needed for her appointment, gas, and prescription and anything else she may need.

I thanked God for providing what we needed once again. He is always faithful. Then I realized something else. He helped us handle the situation differently than we would have in the past. Instead of panicking, arguing, or trying to force a solution, we were able to be patient, trust Him, and stay open minded to possibilities we had not considered. That is a gift I do not take for granted. Sometimes God’s help comes in the form of a dramatic miracle, but more often His provision comes through wisdom, perspective, and new ways of thinking. Looking back, God provided more than what we needed that weekend. I am not referring only to the money. The greater gift was the way He helped us walk through the situation. Years ago, we might have blamed each other, argued, or tried to force an answer. Instead, we trusted Him, worked together, and remained open to solutions we had not considered. The money solved an immediate problem, but the changes in our attitudes and behaviors are the true gift. God did not change us overnight. He changed us as we became willing to trust Him and apply the principles and steps of recovery one day at a time.

Reflection

What gifts from God have you noticed in your life since beginning your recovery journey?

Where Do I See God Today?

His Gentle Whisper

I am noticing that God is often working in the small daily moments I usually overlook.

And after the fire came the sound of a gentle whisper. 1 Kings 19:12

Recently my sponsor gave me an assignment that stumped me. Sponsors have a way of doing that, don’t they? He said he wanted me to answer a question. It seemed easy enough. The question was, “Where do you see God in your life today?” At first, I thought that was a simple question for me to answer and would be really quick. I have a close relationship with God. No problem. But when I sat down to actually think about it and write my answer, I got stuck. I think I was expecting some kind of deep spiritual answer. Something dramatic. Some big breakthrough moment or miracle story. Instead, I sat with that question for several days, praying and really thinking about it. Where do I see God in my life today?

My answer surprised me. I wasn’t seeing Him so much in the outward dramatic things. I was seeing Him inwardly, in the small changes happening inside of me. I see Him in my morning routine. In reading recovery literature and my devotional. In listening to recovery messages on my way to work. I see Him through the people who encourage me. And I see Him in the quiet moments where I just pause and think. It reminded me of Elijah in the cave when God showed him His voice wasn’t in the earthquake, the fire, or the wind, but in the still small voice. That’s where I see God today.

What really stood out to me was how much I see God now in the changes happening inside of me. I see Him when I pause instead of immediately reacting. I see Him when I choose not to send the snarky message I was thinking about sending. I see Him in the way my thinking has changed over time. Recovery has helped me become more aware of myself, my motives, my pride, and my tendency to try to control everything. Before recovery, I usually only looked for God in the huge moments of life. Now I’m learning to see Him in the small moments too. Things like when I have peace. When I show restraint. When I gain perspective. When I can see my own growth. And when I don’t insist things have to be done my way and I surrender control. That’s where I see God today.

I also realized something else while thinking about that question. I am usually much harder on myself than God is. I keep thinking I should be doing more, praying more, reading more, writing more, and accomplishing more. There is still a residue of that corrupt core belief that I am not good enough. But I have come so far from where I was when I started. When I honestly look at my life today compared to who I used to be, I can clearly see that God has been working in me this whole time. Not perfectly. Not instantly. But faithfully. He has been changing the way I think, the way I respond, and the way I live. He has been meeting me where I am and bringing me toward where He wants me to be. And maybe that was the answer to my sponsor’s question all along. I no longer only look for God in dramatic miracles. I see Him in the small daily changes happening inside of me. That’s where I see God today. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer

Father, thank You for helping me see You in my everyday life. Help me to slow down and recognize the ways You are working in me and around me. Teach me to trust the growth process, even when it feels small or slow. Thank You for continuing to change me one day at a time. Amen.

Putting It Into Practice

I used to look down on devotionals… now I’m writing one. God has a sense of humor.

God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. James 4:6

When I was early in my walk with the Lord, I used to look down on people who read daily devotionals. I thought that they were less spiritual. That they didn’t know how to read the Bible for themselves or seek God for themselves. They needed a book to guide them. It was pride and arrogance. I won’t deny that.

When I got into recovery, I leaned on those daily devotionals. They helped me to see things differently. They introduced ideas and concepts to me that I had never thought about. Many times reinforcing beliefs I already had but didn’t know how to put into practice at the time. And by reading about how someone else had dealt with something, it gave me an example or a model to try. And I found much success in doing so.

God has a sense of humor. This past year I have felt inspired and led by Him to write devotionals, which I’m doing. He has also shown me how they will be developed into a 365 day, daily devotional book. These postings on social media are a sample of those writings. I find that I’m growing more in writing them too. I feel like I now have an outlet for sharing with others the things He is revealing in me and has shown me. That was something that had previously frustrated me for many years. The feeling that I had all these deposits from Him inside me with no one to share them with.

I’m thankful that God never gave up on me. That He led me and guided me all the way. Even when I was obstinate and difficult. When I was rebellious. He was there the whole time. He was taking whatever I would give Him and working with it. I’m grateful that He led me to recovery where I found the balance between spiritual insight and practical application. I love Him so much for that. And when I reflect on how He’s now using me to write daily devotionals, I see His sense of humor being displayed in my life.

Prayer
Father, thank You for never giving up on me. Thank You for showing me how to put into practice and share what You are showing me. Amen.

Not Doing What I Believe

A simple question exposed something deeper in me.

If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. John 13:17

I recently had someone ask me a question that challenged my faith and my beliefs. They weren’t doing it intentionally. They simply asked a question about something I wrote in my book. I thought about it for a moment. It was such a simple question: “What is your gift?” I was silenced. I had no response. I was stuck trying to grasp the question. I thought, What is my gift? I told them how God has used me in the past, but I was dumbfounded to come up with an answer to that question as it relates to me now.

Why was it so hard for me to answer that question? It’s because inside, I know I am not doing my gift. I’m not walking in what I feel God wants me to do. And that’s why I had no answer. I didn’t want to lie. I didn’t want to make something up. I didn’t want to be dishonest. So instead of saying something that I may no longer believe or that I no longer see in my life, I was silent. Finally, I answered with the gifts God has given me, and I thought about how active those really are in my life today. And what I came up with was this: I am not doing what I believe. That was hard to swallow. Very hard. I didn’t need to do any writing about this one. I didn’t need to pray and seek God about it either. I already knew I wasn’t surrendering all areas of my life to God.

I’m grateful that recovery teaches me to look at my progress and not perfection. So I don’t beat myself up or condemn myself for not being perfect or for not surrendering every area of my life to God at one time. Today, I’m thankful that I saw another area in my life that I can surrender. This one’s going to take some time though. It’s not going to be easy either, because it deals with my core beliefs and values. But I’m confident that God is faithful, and just as He showed me this area to surrender, He will provide me the wisdom and strength to do so as well.

Prayer
God, help me surrender all areas of my life to You and live what I truly believe. Give me the strength and courage to face and overcome the obstacles that hinder me from doing so. Help me to do Your will. Amen.

Seeking Approval

God Has Already Given It

I’m learning to stop chasing approval from people who may never give it… and instead lean into the approval God has already given me.

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Galatians 1:10

Why do I seek approval from those who don’t or won’t give it? And yet I discount or dismiss approval from those who do? Why does the approval I can’t get seem to matter more than the approval I already have? When I think about it, the ones I am seeking approval from are parent figures and authority figures. And the ones who are willing to give it, I tend to dismiss or minimize, because they’re not the ones I’m seeking approval from.

This awareness doesn’t solve my problem, nor does it fix it. But it does cause me to realize that it’s a me issue and not a them issue. Granted, those parental figures who refuse to give approval have a part to play, but that’s their part. That’s not always easy for me to accept. I want it to be about them. I want them to change so I can feel better. That would be a lot easier. But by working the steps of recovery, I’m learning that I need to focus on my part. I cannot change them, no matter how hard I try. Trying only leaves me frustrated and puts me in a position where I’m tempted to manipulate and control to get my emotional needs met. My feelings get hurt and I feel less than again. That’s all about me.

Recovery has helped me climb out of that pit. By focusing on myself and what I can do. By focusing on what is within my power, and what I need to do to see that change happen. I know I have God’s approval, and when I think about that, it helps me keep things in perspective. Who is more of an authority or parental figure than God? If I have His approval, then I don’t need theirs the same way. I don’t have the solution for this right now. I only have a guide that leads me down a path toward peace. I realize this is about me and my core issues. I sometimes still feel less than and need approval. And because I can see that, I know the solution also lies within me, even if I’m not fully aware of it yet. But I have hope. Because of the tools and principles I’ve learned in recovery, and because of God helping me, I know I won’t stay stuck here. He will help me change.

Reflection
What would change if I truly believed I already have God’s approval?

A Better Father Than Me

Through My Children

The way I love my children helped me understand how God loves me.

If you, imperfect as you are, know how to lovingly take care of your children and give them what’s best, how much more ready is your heavenly Father to give wonderful gifts to those who ask him. Matthew 7:11

Sometimes I struggle with the concept of a loving, caring God. It’s hard for me to believe that God would care for me regardless of, or even in spite of, the things I do. That He would love and accept me for who I am. I start to ask myself why. Why would God have compassion for me? Why would He be there? Why would He help me? Why would He even want to? And honestly, it’s held me back in my life. I want to believe it, but I never saw it modeled in my life, so I don’t even know what it would look like.

I was pondering this today and I started thinking about my children and how I would do anything for them within my power. If there was anything they needed or wanted, I would do whatever I could to make it happen. If they’re in trouble or something’s bothering them, I want to know, because I care about them. I love them. And if there’s anything I can do to help or ease their pain, I would do it. That’s when the aha moment hit. God cares for me the same way. After reflecting on that, I realized the fact that I even have that comparison to think about parenthood and God came from God to help me and give me perspective. He is so good.

When I started to put that into perspective, I realized God is probably a better parent than I am. So if I have those feelings toward my children, and I would do anything within my power to help them, to love them, to care for them, to accept them, even if they were mad at me or even if they refused, I would still be willing and available. Why wouldn’t God be the same toward me? My obvious conclusion is He would, and probably even more so. What I’ve found is I am my worst critic. I am hard on myself. I judge myself. I consider myself not worthy. But when I look at my children, I realize there is nothing they could ever do that would cause me not to love them or care for them. Nothing. That allows me to be more gentle with myself. It helps me accept that God will never reject me, that He loves me, that He cares for me, and that He’s always there willing to help me. That matters because it gives me confidence to ask Him for help, knowing He’s there when I do. That’s part of the gift of recovery for me.

Reflection
What would change if I actually believed God cares for me the way I care for my children?

What Was So Good About Friday?

What felt like the worst day of my life… became the turning point.

Why do we call it Good Friday? It’s the day Jesus Christ died for our sins. It’s the day He paid the price for everything that had gone wrong. That’s what we’ve been told. That’s what we know. But if you really think about it… there was nothing good about that day when it was happening.

It was betrayal, pain, and loss. Jesus was in agony, knowing what was coming. He was betrayed by one of His own, denied by another, and left alone by the rest. He was beaten, mocked, falsely accused, and sentenced to die. There was nothing about that moment that felt good. It looked like the worst possible outcome.

And honestly… I’ve had a day like that too.

A time in my life where everything fell apart. I felt lost, broken, and alone. I couldn’t think straight. I cried more than I ever had. I felt abandoned, unloved, and unwanted. I didn’t want to live… but I didn’t have the courage to die. That was my bottom. That was my version of a “Good Friday,” and there was nothing good about it when I was in it.

But looking back now… I see it differently.

That was the place where everything started to change. That pain brought me to a place where I was finally willing to do something different. It humbled me enough to admit I needed help, and gave me just enough willingness to ask for it. That’s where recovery started for me. Not when things got better… but when everything broke.

I believed in God before that, but I hadn’t surrendered. Not really. When I finally did—when I let go of trying to control everything and started trusting Him—that’s when my life began to change.

So when I think about why it’s called Good Friday… I understand it now.

Not because it felt good. Not because it looked good. But because of what came out of it.

That was my Good Friday.

Reflection:

Have you had a “Good Friday” moment when life broke you enough to make you reach out for help? How did God meet you in that moment?

He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

Faith That Shows Up

Trusting the Process

I used to think faith was something I believed. Now I’m learning it’s something I do. Showing up, even for 15 minutes, changed more than I expected.

Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even if we do not see it. Hebrews 11:1

The topic in my meeting last night was, what does faith mean to me. I paused for a moment, because sometimes I can get stuck on how something is said and completely miss the meaning and intent. So, I decided to try and consider what was really being asked instead. I used to only attribute faith to biblical principles and ideas. But the phrasing of the question, and listening to others share, got me thinking about it differently. I wanted to identify the practical application of faith, especially as it relates to my recovery. As I listened, I was reminded of when I first started recovery and hearing the phrase, “Keep coming back, it works.” Honestly, that sounded cute, but it didn’t make much sense to me at the time. How was going to a meeting and listening to other people’s problems going to fix anything around me? I was looking for answers to my own problems, not take on someone else’s too. I wanted to figure things out and control the situation. But something in me was willing to take a chance anyway. This was something new, something I knew nothing about. It was a risk. It meant trusting something that didn’t make sense. It was a paradox.

I remember one time I showed up late to a meeting because of work and everything else going on. I only caught the last 15 minutes. I almost didn’t go. I thought, what’s the point? Drive all the way there just for it to be over. But I went anyway and I stayed. And I got something out of those 15 minutes. Honestly, I got a lot out of it. After the meeting, my sponsor told me something I’ve never forgotten. He said, a little bit of recovery is better than no recovery at all. That stuck with me. Showing up like that, going anyway just for 15 minutes, that was faith. Staying after the meeting and talking with my sponsor was faith. It was doing the next right thing. It was taking action even when I didn’t feel like it or understand it. That is what faith means to me.

What I’ve found is that when I keep coming back, something starts to change. Not everything around me, but something inside me. I begin to change. And even when that wasn’t my original goal, it became the result. Faith, for me, is being willing to trust the process, even when everything in me is telling me otherwise. It’s believing something good can come out of all the pain of my past, even when I don’t see it yet. It’s practical. It shows up in action, in willingness, going to meetings and working the steps. And little by little, I see it working. My life has gotten better one step, one action at a time.

Prayer
Father, help me to trust You even when it doesn’t make sense. Give me the willingness to show up and take the next right step. Teach me how to live this out in my daily life. Amen.

Self Reliance

Back to Basics

I still need God. I still need people. That hasn’t changed.

Trust the Lord completely, and don’t depend on your own knowledge. Proverbs 3:5

I was recently asked to share at a beginners meeting. What I heard in the readings was this reminder: go to meetings and share when I can, get a sponsor, work all the Steps in order starting with Step One, read recovery literature every day, and use the phone between meetings. And I saw something subtle lurking inside me. It’s easy for me to become complacent as things get better. As I experience more peace and happiness, I can drift and forget what brought me here. It reminded me why I came to recovery in the first place. It reminded me not to become complacent, not to drift, not to start thinking I did this on my own. If I could have found this peace and happiness through my own self-reliance, I would have. But I didn’t. I couldn’t. It eluded me at every turn, no matter how much I longed for it.

Realizing that I need God and other people humbles me. It keeps me simple. It keeps me seeking. It reminds me I haven’t arrived and I don’t have it all together. That kind of thinking leads me right back to relapse. It takes me back to old behaviors and a life I no longer want. I need this. I need Him. I need people.

So what do I do? I pray. I sincerely pray and seek God for His will, His wisdom, and His direction in my life. I choose to accept the changes He wants to make in me. I reach out to other people and am vulnerable, sharing my true self. That keeps me humble. It pushes back pride. Living this way has brought me what matters most to me now. Something I longed for my whole life but didn’t even know I was missing. That is connection. Real relationships. First with God, and then with other people. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer
Father, help me to continue doing the next right thing. Help me keep doing what I did in the beginning. Thank You for reminding me that I need not only You but others. Give me the courage to continue this journey and keep reaching out and seeking help. Amen.

Why I Need to Be Right

Hearing vs Proving

I didn’t realize how much I needed to be right… until I saw how it kept me from actually listening.

My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily. James 1:19

I was having a conversation with a friend, and we had different opinions about something. It wasn’t heated, we just saw things differently and were discussing it. At one point, we were both talking at the same time, neither one of us really listening. I remember saying, “You’re not listening. You keep interrupting me.” That was when our discussion turned into an argument. And I was convinced they were the problem.

Later, I prayed about it. I was seeking God’s wisdom about the situation. But I was also asking God to show me how I was right and they were wrong. But instead, God showed me something different. He showed me I was doing the exact same thing. When I was saying that they were not listening and kept interrupting me, I was talking over them too. I wasn’t listening either. And what He really showed me was a shift in my mindset. Instead of saying, “You’re not listening,” I could have said, “I feel like I’m unheard. I feel like what I say doesn’t matter.” That’s different. That would have been more honest and vulnerable. Because I really don’t know what’s going on inside of them, but I do have an idea of what’s going on inside me.

I also know that is recovery. Keeping the focus on me. Staying on my own side of the street. Keeping my nose on my own face. Using I and me statements instead of you. When I shifted my perspective to what I was feeling instead of what they were doing, I saw it. I was feeling like I wasn’t good enough again. That is my character defect being hit. It really had nothing to do with my friend at all. I was feeling unimportant and unheard. That is all me. What really stood out to me was this. I was able to listen when God corrected me, but I wasn’t willing to listen to my friend. With God, I was submitted, open, and willing to hear. But in that conversation, I was more focused on being right than being willing. It makes me think… if I had approached my friend with that same posture, with more humility and respect, I might have actually been able to listen to them in the first place.

When that feeling of not being good enough gets triggered, I start trying to prove myself instead of just being honest about what I feel. With God’s help and the tools of recovery, I am seeing that more clearly. Praying about it helped me pause, take inventory, and give it over to God. But it also showed me something else. The same way I’m willing to listen when God corrects me, I want to start bringing that same willingness into my conversations with other people. Not trying to prove I’m right, but being willing to hear. Being willing to pause. Being willing to stay open. I don’t have to fix the other person. I just have to stay honest about what’s going on in me and be willing to listen. And that changes everything. That is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer
Father, Teach me how to listen and understand. Help me keep my focus on what’s going on in me, not others. Keep me honest, open, and teachable. Thank You. Amen.

The Battle For Peace

Taking Thoughts Captive

I’m learning that I can have peace in spite of what’s happening around me. It comes from what I’m thinking about.

You will keep the mind that is dependent on You in perfect peace, for it is trusting in You. Isaiah 26:3

I didn’t realize how important my thinking was. I really started to see this when I started working through the steps. I used to think my thoughts just happened, and I had no control over them. But I’m learning that’s not true. I have a part in what I think about. I can choose what I give my attention to. That may sound simple, maybe even a little repetitive, but it’s real. When I keep going over negative thoughts, fear, and everything that could possibly go wrong, I feel it. It shows up in my body, my attitude, and how I respond to people. But when I start focusing my attention on what is good, what is right, what builds me up, something changes. I start to feel peace rise within me.

Paul talks about this in Philippians. He doesn’t tell me to control everything around me. He points me back to what I’m thinking about. He tells me to think on what is true, good, pure, and worth holding onto. Not everything that could fall apart or go wrong. Because when I let my mind run wild, it will gravitate toward fear, worry, and the what ifs. Then that’s exactly what I start to feel. But when I bring my thinking back to what is right and what God says, there’s a peace that shows up that I can’t explain. I didn’t figure it out. I didn’t earn it. I just stopped feeding the wrong thoughts and started agreeing with the right ones.

This really is a battle, and it’s happening in my mind. I don’t get to sit this one out. Thoughts come in that don’t line up with who God is or what He says about me. Things like I’m not good enough, something bad is about to happen, or I’m not going to make it. When that happens, I’m learning to catch it and deal with it right there. I hold it up against the truth. If it doesn’t line up, I don’t keep it. I let it go. I tell myself no, that’s not true. Then I go back to what God says. That’s how I take thoughts captive. And little by little, peace starts to fill my mind and my heart. I walk and live in that peace, and I experience the promise of serenity. That is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer
Father, help me to pay attention to what I’m thinking about. Show me when I’m agreeing with fear instead of truth. Teach me to come back to what You say. Thank You for Your peace. Amen.

BE STILL AND KNOW

(An excerpt from my book Hearing God’s Voice Every Day!)

Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations; I will be exalted in the earth!
Psalm 46:10

In my study along these lines, I came across this verse. Now I have heard this verse and read it hundreds if not thousands of times. I have used it and quoted it many, many times in ministering to others and in my preaching and teaching. However, I had never taken the time to study this verse. I mean it seemed self-explanatory. I have found that it is often these seemingly obvious verses that once expounded become much larger and more meaningful. Well, this verse is one of those verses. This verse went off inside my being like an explosion.

Be STILL in Hebrew is a verb that is causative and in the imperative tense. That means is before we even can look at what this word means, we need to look at how it is used. Being causative means that whatever this thing is, it causes a result or another action. It leads to something else. That it is in the imperative tells us that it is forceful, a directive, much like a command. This is not optional. So, before we even look at what the definition of this word is, we have an understanding that it is not an option but a directive from the Lord and it will cause something else to happen and follow.

The definition of the word is: to be alone (alone with God), relax, abate, withdraw, refrain, cease. What are we to relax, withdraw, refrain from, or cease from? Talking. BE QUIET. Yep! That is what it means. STOP TALKING. STOP THINKING. If we will do this. If you follow this directive, then it will cause something else to happen.

And KNOW in Hebrew is also a verb. This verb though is casual, although still in the imperative. Casual means that it will happen easily, it just happens. If you do this, then that will happen type of thing. So, to have the “knowing” part of this verse we must first accomplish the “stilling” part of the verse. And the word still being in the imperative tells us again this is not an option. Serving and seeking God is not an a la carte type of thing where we can pick and choose what and how we want to do it. Even though that seems to be a prevalent thought and idea these days, it is not accurate. If we want to receive the promises and blessings God has for us, many times we must follow the prescribed method that God has indicated. In this case… If we want to know that He is God, we must first be still. The reason why is that the word know is the word YADA in Hebrew. This word YADA is huge. Yes, it means to know, but so much more. To see, observe, reflect, hear, perceive, and recognize. It is a word used much about the prophets and prophetic visions and seeing into the future even. It is not just to acknowledge; it is to know things that you cannot know otherwise. It is revelation from God. It is hearing the voice of God.

So, in summary, if we want to hear the voice of God, clearly. (To see and understand), We need to be quiet. We need to stop talking. We need to stop thinking, (trying to figure things out). We need to quiet our mouths and our minds. If we will do this, then the knowing will come. The revelation. The hearing from God. Will happen and happen easily, without effort.

ALONE WITH GOD

We see Jesus alone with God in prayer (Matthew 14:23). And after His time alone in prayer with God, He is seen walking on the water to the disciples and He rescues them. (Matthew 14:25) How did he “know” to go rescue them from up on top of the mountain where He was praying? Jesus said, “I only do those things I see my Father do” (John 5:19). Jesus was “still” with God the Father and in so doing, He “knew” from God the Father what to do.

In another example, we see when the disciples were alone with Jesus, they were “still” with Jesus, that Jesus expounded or made them to “know” all things. (Mark 4:34). Receiving revelation is knowing.

Another time Jesus was alone in prayer and the disciples joined Him, they were “still” (Luke 9:18) and right after this time of being still, Peter has the revelation that Jesus is the Son of God. Jesus told Peter only the Father can reveal or make you “know” this information. And this was different information than what the religious leaders and the masses had. It was even different information than the rest of the other apostles had at the time. (Matthew 16:18)

It is important to be alone with God. To spend time alone with Him. For it is in these times that we encounter the Creator of the universe and Lover of our souls. When we can be still and quiet in His presence and just wait on Him: He shows up; He speaks; He delivers; He heals; He reveals; He refreshes. Wait patiently on the Lord.

But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Waiting on the Lord causes a renewing and refreshing of our soul. It gives us strength to go beyond the natural limitations of our physical body. It gives us endurance.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, And in His word I do hope. Psalm 130:5

When waiting on the Lord our soul waits. That is our mind, will, and emotions. So, we are to calm and silence our mind, our will, and our emotions. We wait in silence on Him and hope in His word.

¹ I waited patiently for the LORD; And He inclined to me, And heard my cry. ²He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, Out of the miry clay, And set my feet upon a rock, And established my steps. ³He has put a new song in my mouth– Praise to our God; Many will see it and fear And will trust in the LORD. Psalm 40:1-3

When we wait on Him, He hears us, and He delivers us, He sets us on solid ground and establishes us. We can have confidence that we are stable and secure. We are SAFE. He also puts a new song in our mouths. This speaks of revelation. He fills our mouths with revelation straight from Him. This revelation bypasses our mind and our will as they are silent and quiet as we wait. This shows us the spontaneous nature of revelation. It is all by grace.

(An excerpt from my book Hearing God’s Voice Every Day!)

Focus on the Solution

The Next Right Step

When I finally moved, I discovered God had already been helping me.

Do what God’s teaching says; when you only listen and do nothing, you are fooling yourselves. James 1:22

It’s paradoxical. When I focus on the problem instead of the solution, I stay stuck in it. I get frustrated and angry. The why me’s and the if only’s come in like a flood and overtake my thinking. Then it spills into my emotions and leaks out in my conversations before it shows up in my actions. Before long I am a victim again. But when I change my thinking to focus on the solution, my perspective changes and that is when I start to see progress. That’s what I love about recovery. It doesn’t leave me stuck in the problem. There is a solution. But it is up to me to do something to get it.

Before recovery, I was in bondage. I was struggling. When I focused on my problems, they only intensified. I begged and pleaded with God to take away my addiction. I spent hours in heartfelt prayer, with real tears and real remorse, only to repeat the same behavior again and again. When I came back into my right mind, regret would flood in and overwhelm me. I would promise God I would do better next time. I asked Him to stop me, to remind me, to intervene before I fell. But it never happened. Because I never made a decision to actually change. I never followed it with action or put anything in place to keep me from falling. I was blaming God for not stopping me.

The turning point came when I hit my bottom. It was a dark day, but it was also a good day because it was the day I finally stopped and made a decision. I changed my thinking, and I followed it with action. When I did, I realized all those prayers I prayed were not wasted. They were seeds. God did help me. He did prompt me when I was tempted, but this time I responded differently. I stayed. I chose differently. I did something with what He was showing me. That is the difference for me today. I stopped waiting for God to do for me what He was showing me to do. I am not focusing on the problem anymore. I am taking responsibility and moving toward the solution, one decision at a time. And this is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer
Father, help me stop focusing on the problem. Show me how to focus on the solution. Give me the courage to take the next right step. Thank You. Amen.

Recovered or Healed?

Walking It Out

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

I was recently asked this question by a former sponsee, and it really got me thinking. Am I healed, or am I still recovering? It feels like one of those questions that should have a simple answer, but the more I sat with it, the more I realized there is something deeper going on.

When I look at Jesus, I see that when He healed people, He made them whole. He did not partially heal them. But then I also think about the blind man in Mark 8. Jesus laid His hands on him, and at first the man said he saw men walking around like trees. Then Jesus touched him again, and he saw clearly. That tells me something important. What Jesus does is complete, but it does not always show up all at once the way I expect it to. That is a process, even when the source is perfect.

I know what it means to be free from something. There are struggles I used to have that are completely gone. Not managed. Not controlled. Gone. They are not even a thought anymore. But there are other things that still show up in my life. I still feel not good enough sometimes. I still get my feelings hurt. I still feel left out at times. I still find myself wanting to control things or give advice when it was never asked for. Not like before, but it is still there. So am I healed? Yes. But I am also learning how to live in that healing every day.

What I have found in recovery is a place where this actually becomes real. Scripture tells us to confess our faults to one another and pray for one another, but I did not experience that in church the way I have in recovery. In recovery, there are ground rules. Honesty. Confidentiality. Accountability. People sharing what is really going on, not what sounds right. And something happens in that environment. Healing continues to show up. Not because something new is being given, but because I am no longer hiding my true self. It is a place where I can be honest and not feel exposed. A place where I can actually walk this out daily.

For me, this is what it comes down to. In Christ, I am made whole. That part is finished. But I am still being changed as I learn to think differently, to be honest, and to live differently each day. I am not trying to become healed. I am learning how to live as someone who already is. And that is the gift of recovery to me.

Prayer
Father, help me live from what You have already done in me. Teach me to stay honest, to stay open, and to walk this out one day at a time. Thank You. Amen.