Attraction Rather Than Promotion

I spent years trying to convince other people, only to push them away. As I allowed God to continue changing me, people began approaching me instead.

They may be won without words by the way you live… 1 Peter 3:1-2

I recently heard something that made me stop and think. I was attending one of those meetings where they crack open the books and talk about the Steps and Traditions. The topic that night was Tradition Eleven. While it is often associated with public relations and anonymity, it was the idea of attraction rather than promotion that caught my attention. I learned early that although the steps and traditions are written as we, I can still apply them as personal principles for how I live my life and relate to others. Before recovery, I was a zealous Christian minister. I loved talking about God and the Bible. I looked for every opportunity to steer conversations toward spiritual things. I even learned and practiced segues to transition conversations back around to what I wanted to talk about.

From the onset I saw how people in the rooms of recovery interacted. They read guidelines they followed before every meeting. These guidelines said we listen without interrupting while others are sharing. We don’t comment or offer advice on what others share. I became acutely aware that this was much different from how I attempted to communicate with people. While the other person was talking, I was constantly thinking about what I wanted to say, just waiting for a pause so I could jump in to say what I was thinking. My sponsor directed me to read some literature where I discovered that I had not been listening at all. I learned that what I was doing was referred to as manipulation and control.

I discovered I had been giving unsolicited advice, telling people what they should do, and pointing them toward what I believed was the truth. When people resisted or pulled away, I usually assumed the problem was with them. Maybe they weren’t ready. Maybe they lacked spiritual understanding. When I started practicing these principles in all my affairs, it reshaped how I began to approach people. Instead of trying to change them, I focused on allowing God to continue changing me. I worked my own inventory instead of everyone else’s. I learned to keep my opinions to myself unless someone asked. If they did ask, I tried to share only my own experience, strength, and hope. If I didn’t have anything to offer, I learned to remain silent and simply listen. This is how I began carrying the message to others.

Something unexpected happened as I started practicing these principles. Instead of chasing opportunities to speak about my beliefs, opportunities began finding me. As my behaviors began to change, people became curious. They approached me. They shared their stories. They asked me questions. I found that I no longer needed to force conversations or steer them where I wanted them to go. When the time was right, those conversations often went there naturally. I still enjoy talking about God and the Bible whenever the opportunity presents itself. The difference is that I no longer feel the need to force the opportunity. Being mindful of the phrase “attraction rather than promotion” became a practical reminder for me to stop trying to change other people and instead let God continue changing me. That is how I am learning to carry the message to others. This is the paradox. The very thing I desired to do, came to me when I stopped chasing it.

Recovery Principle

Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion…Tradition Eleven