Not Doing What I Believe

A simple question exposed something deeper in me.

If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. John 13:17

I recently had someone ask me a question that challenged my faith and my beliefs. They weren’t doing it intentionally. They simply asked a question about something I wrote in my book. I thought about it for a moment. It was such a simple question: “What is your gift?” I was silenced. I had no response. I was stuck trying to grasp the question. I thought, What is my gift? I told them how God has used me in the past, but I was dumbfounded to come up with an answer to that question as it relates to me now.

Why was it so hard for me to answer that question? It’s because inside, I know I am not doing my gift. I’m not walking in what I feel God wants me to do. And that’s why I had no answer. I didn’t want to lie. I didn’t want to make something up. I didn’t want to be dishonest. So instead of saying something that I may no longer believe or that I no longer see in my life, I was silent. Finally, I answered with the gifts God has given me, and I thought about how active those really are in my life today. And what I came up with was this: I am not doing what I believe. That was hard to swallow. Very hard. I didn’t need to do any writing about this one. I didn’t need to pray and seek God about it either. I already knew I wasn’t surrendering all areas of my life to God.

I’m grateful that recovery teaches me to look at my progress and not perfection. So I don’t beat myself up or condemn myself for not being perfect or for not surrendering every area of my life to God at one time. Today, I’m thankful that I saw another area in my life that I can surrender. This one’s going to take some time though. It’s not going to be easy either, because it deals with my core beliefs and values. But I’m confident that God is faithful, and just as He showed me this area to surrender, He will provide me the wisdom and strength to do so as well.

Prayer
God, help me surrender all areas of my life to You and live what I truly believe. Give me the strength and courage to face and overcome the obstacles that hinder me from doing so. Help me to do Your will. Amen.