Course Correction

Back to Basics

It’s easy for me to recognize when something is obviously wrong. It’s much harder to recognize the small changes that quietly take me off course.

This is why it is so crucial that we be all the more engaged and attentive to the truths that we have heard, so that we do not drift off course. Hebrews 2:1

I haven’t completed and shared a new devotional in a couple weeks. That bothered me because sharing what I learn has become an important part of my recovery. Life was still happening and I was till having opportunities to practice the principles of recovery every single day. Unfortunately, I wasn’t having the same success. That should have been a clue for me right there. But, no I “know stuff”. And every time I sat down at my computer to write, I just didn’t have it. I felt empty. At first I thought maybe I had nothing new or authentic to share. I questioned if I should even be writing at all. I even wondered if I felt like a hypocrite because I had been missing some of my regular recovery meetings. So I did what I have learned to do in recovery when I don’t understand what’s going on inside me. I started writing about it.

I found it ironic and a bit humorous that while not being able to write, I decided to write as a solution. I began writing about why I felt I couldn’t write a devotional. I examined my motives. Once I started, I was able to write quite extensively. That’s when it dawned on me. My problem wasn’t not being able to write. I was writing. But not being able to share a devotional was a warning sign for me, signaling something else was wrong. What emerged from my inventory was that my routines and disciplines had shifted. I had taken on a second job that required me to work evenings. My life and my schedule had changed dramatically, and although I was still praying, reading, and spending time with God, it wasn’t with the same consistency or depth. I had stopped attending my regular meetings and, without realizing it, I had stopped journaling. I just kept expecting the same growth and results in my recovery although everything else had changed. My life had changed, but my recovery plan hadn’t adjusted with it. In fact, I didn’t even have a plan.

Every change I make, whether it is a conscious decision or simply a choice by default, has an impact on my life and produces an outcome. Working through the steps has taught me to pay attention to those outcomes because they often reveal patterns I haven’t yet recognized. I need to pay attention to those results whether they are welcomed and desired or unwanted. Not being able to write wasn’t my problem. It was the result of something else happening, or more accurately not happening. For me, journaling, inventory, prayer, meetings, and God’s Word are the foundation that keeps me grounded and spiritually healthy. If I were to completely neglect my recovery and conscious contact with God, I would recognize it almost immediately because the effects are obvious and I start acting sideways. But this was different. My recovery didn’t stop; it gradually diminished as I got busier and I didn’t even notice. I just felt a little off. I started to think differently. I had subtle changes in my behavior. When I seem to be acting or thinking differently, I need to resist the temptation to ignore it. I need to ask why.

I knew I needed to course correct and that meant getting back to the basics. Since my schedule had changed, I needed to implement changes to my recovery disciplines too. For me that means attending online meetings. It means getting up earlier to read and have my devotional time and making time to journal before bed. I can even use my lunch break time to listen to recovery speakers. The specific solution isn’t as important as recognizing when my spiritual tank is running low and responding to it. This time it took me a few weeks to discover what was going on. That is a tremendous improvement over the years I once spent living in denial. That is growth. Sometimes I don’t realize how much something has been helping me until I stop doing it.

Prayer

Lord, help me recognize when I begin to drift. Give me the humility to ask why, the wisdom to make course corrections, and the willingness to stay faithful to the things that keep me close to You. Amen.