Not An A-La-Carte Recovery

There Are No Shortcuts to Surrender

Recovery works when I stop trying to customize my own program and start trusting His path.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take. Proverbs 3:5–6

Recovery is not an a-la-carte program.
In meetings, I have often heard, “Take what you like and leave the rest,” or the saying about being as smart as an old cow, eating the hay and spitting out the sticks. Those sayings are helpful when it comes to personalities and opinions, but they were never meant to apply to the Twelve Steps themselves. I do not get to pick which steps or principles I will follow and which ones I will ignore. If I want the freedom and healing recovery promises, I have to follow the program the way it was designed, not the shortcut version I create to fit what I think is best. My best thinking will most often gravitate to something that doesn’t challenge me or require me to change.

When I start choosing how I will work my own recovery, instead of the one encouraged by my sponsor, I start to get squirrelly. My feelings start running my life. I may convince myself that it is wisdom, but it is really just another form of control. I learned early on that successful recovery stands on three pillars. These are simple, but non-negotiable practices: working the steps with a sponsor, attending meetings regularly, and serving others. And yes, that means a human sponsor and meetings plural. Together they create the structure that helps me remain honest and continue to grow.

I might attend meetings but avoid doing step work. I might try to do step work without meetings. I might tell myself that God is my sponsor, so I do not have to be accountable to anyone else. I might skip steps, rush through them, or rearrange them to suit my preferences. Each time I do this, I am quietly saying that I know better than those who walked this path before me. That kind of pride produces limited results, slow growth, and repeated cycles or even relapse. I end up repeating the same mistakes and being forced to learn the same lessons because I refuse to walk the proven path that works. The one that has stood the test of time.

I have learned that recovery without God leaves me empty, and faith without practicing the steps leaves me unchanged. Real recovery happens when I invite God into every part of the process and use the tools He has already provided. Surrender is not just believing in God, it is trusting Him enough to follow the full solution. It is giving in and humbling myself not just to God but to the pillars of recovery. I cannot do it “My Way”. I did that before recovery. I need to do it His Way. To humble myself, accept the recovery solution and act on it. When I stop trying to force recovery based on my own understanding and stop managing the process, I can finally experience the freedom I was looking for, and the healing the program promises.

Reflection
Where am I still trying to control my recovery instead of fully surrendering to the program?