The Root of It

The Real Issue

The addiction was visible. The character flaws were underneath. Real change began at the root.

 Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. Proverbs 4:23

When I first walked through the doors of recovery, I thought I was coming to save my marriage. That was my focus. I was convinced that if things could just change at home, everything would settle down. But by following the suggestion to keep coming back, I began to see something I wasn’t expecting. The problem wasn’t just my marriage. It was me. At the core of my reason for coming were my character flaws. I was wounded and emotionally hurt in ways I had ignored for years, and that pain seeped into every area of my life, causing conflict and hostility in all of my relationships. Once I saw that I needed to work on fixing me instead of everyone else, something shifted. I started to deal with my pain. My issues. My flaws.

Like most of us, I didn’t seek help until something was clearly out of control in my life. Addiction was the obvious problem. It was visible. It was measurable. It was causing damage I could no longer deny. Sometimes others had pointed it out before, but I never listened, even though deep down I knew they were right. I came looking for help in the area that was causing the most pain. But after I had been in recovery for a while, I started to see what had been driving it all along. The addiction was not the root. It was the symptom. The real trouble had been living inside me for years. My people pleasing. My anger. My insecurity. My need to control outcomes. If I did not deal with those things, I would just trade one problem for another. I would stay stuck. The bad news is that I have character flaws. I was a people pleaser. I struggled with control and manipulation. I carried latent anger. At first, I did not recognize any of this. In my heart I wanted to live my life fully committed to God, but ignoring these issues kept me from doing that.

As I continued in recovery, I started to see this wasn’t just my story. The outward problem may look different for each of us, but what sits underneath is often familiar. Addiction may be what is visible, but it rarely begins there. The behaviors show up on the outside, but the roots usually run much deeper, in the character flaws we all carry.

I had to acknowledge these flaws in my own life and offer them to God. No more blaming. No more pretending. I started with the issue causing the most pain, and then I began facing the smaller areas He revealed to me. It wasn’t instant, and it wasn’t easy, but it was honest. The change didn’t come from trying harder. It came from surrender. As I stayed willing and kept bringing these parts of myself to Him, something began to shift inside me. I did my part. He did His. And as He began changing me from the inside out, I found that I could finally live my life fully committed to God, not just in words, but in the way I actually lived. And that has brought me peace and happiness that remains to this day.

Prayer

Father, show me what is underneath. Help me stop blaming and start surrendering. Give me the courage to face my flaws and trust You to change me from the inside out. Amen.