Why Am I the One Who…?

Small Frustrations Show Me… Me.

So if you know of an opportunity to do the right thing today, yet you refrain from doing it, you’re guilty of sin. James 4:17

The other day at work I went to get some water, and the machine was empty again because no one had changed the bottle. I had to change it, and right away I felt that familiar frustration rising up. Why am I always the one who has to change it? Why doesn’t anyone else do it? I changed the bottle, got my water, and moved on with my day. Later at home I went to throw something away and the trash was overflowing. I had the same exact feeling and the same exact thought. Why am I always the one who has to empty it? But when I stopped and looked at the facts, it wasn’t true at work and it wasn’t true at home. I’m not always the one doing it. Something else was happening in me.

As soon as I felt that surge of annoyance, something deeper came forward. I didn’t just feel frustrated. I felt unimportant. I felt not good enough. I felt like my needs didn’t matter. And when I caught myself at home with the trash, I asked myself, “I felt this earlier… when?” And then it was like watching a movie in my mind. I saw the water bottle situation at work play out again, and I realized this wasn’t about water or trash. This was about me. My timing. My expectations. My need for things to go how I want them to go. And underneath all of that was a struggle I face every day without even noticing. I feel unseen when life doesn’t go according to my plan.

Recovery is teaching me to pay attention to these patterns. My sponsor always tells me that when I notice similar feelings popping up in different situations, to look for the common denominator – or in my case, the dominionator, because I struggle with control. What I’m learning is that if I slow down and just do the next right thing, even when it interrupts my plans, life gets simpler and my day becomes more peaceful. I don’t have to get stuck in resentment or old behaviors. I can pause, breathe in, and remember that God shows me these moments so that I can grow and become what He has planned for me. And for that I am supremely grateful.

Prayer: Father, help me see the moments where I can do the next right thing. Give me a willing heart to accept things that don’t go my way and teach me to surrender the small things. Thank You for using these everyday moments to help me grow. Amen.