Tag: Step 11

Water Jugs

Being Refilled Again

I cannot live today on yesterday’s prayers. I need to keep coming back to God to be refilled.

But those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

The drinking water where we live is not very good, and there have been enough questions about the quality and safety of it that we choose not to drink it. One of my weekly chores is to gather up our water jugs and take them down to the filling station. So every week I load the empty jugs into my car, drive down to the water station, fill them up, and bring them home. It usually takes about an hour out of my day. I will admit, it is inconvenient. There are plenty of other things I would rather do with that hour. But if I do not refill the jugs, eventually we run out of water.

The other day, while I was loading all the jugs into my car, I started thinking about how much those empty jugs reminded me of my recovery. I need to continually be filled too. Working my recovery program is not something I started years ago and can now just leave alone. My spiritual life is not something I can fill up once and expect to stay full forever. Life is sometimes draining. Stress, responsibilities, and relationships often require effort and energy. After a while, I start running low again. If I am not paying attention, I can get empty before I even realize it. That is why Step 10 is so important to me. It keeps me looking at myself and honestly assessing where I am, what is going on inside me, and what needs my attention. The jugs do not stay full just because I filled them when I bought them or even because I filled them last week, and neither do I.

Step 11 is where I continue going back to God. Through prayer and meditation, I seek Him, listen for His direction, and allow Him to replenish what life has drained out of me. I cannot live today on yesterday’s prayers. I cannot depend only on what God showed me last week, last year, or years ago when I first entered recovery. I need Him today. That does not mean everything I received before is gone. It means my relationship with God is active and ongoing. Just as those water jugs need to be refilled regularly, so do I. And when I am practicing Steps 10 and 11, then Step 12 becomes a natural outcome. I have something to share with others because I continue to receive.

Maybe that is why filling those water jugs every week struck me differently today. I have done it countless times, and I will have to do it again. They will get emptied, and I will need to refill them next week. That is not failure. That is how they are meant to be used. That is their purpose. The same is true for me. Recovery is not about getting filled once and staying that way forever. It is about continuing to pay attention, staying connected to God, and continuing to practice what keeps me spiritually and emotionally healthy. I need to keep coming back to the source to be refilled. God is my source.

Prayer

God, I need You today and every day. Help me stay close to You and be honest about where I am. Fill me with Your Spirit, strength, wisdom, and direction. I commit this day to You. Amen.

Feeling Meh

Why Not Pray?

I kept waiting to feel different.
Nothing changed while I waited.
Something changed when I prayed.

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. Step Eleven

I had been feeling kind of meh all week. I was a little irritable and just not quite myself. I was aware of it, and it bothered me a little, but not enough to really look at it. I had become complacent, allowing myself to be okay with not being okay. Other people seemed to notice too. Earlier in the day, someone tried to make me smile and someone else asked what was wrong because I was not smiling. Apparently, my normal is that I usually smile. Not a bad accusation. I realized that my meh attitude was leaking and my face showed it. I did not like that.

As I was driving home from work, I thought about those comments from earlier in the day. I did not want to stay meh any longer, but I did not know what to do about it. Then I had this crazy thought: Why don’t I pray? It was nothing miraculous or spiritually enlightening. I simply said, “God, help me stop feeling this way. Help me have a different attitude. Help me get my smile back.” The heavens didn’t open and angels didn’t descend on me, but almost immediately I started to feel better. The meh feeling began to dissipate. I felt at ease, and I felt a smile start to stretch across my face. I thought, I am going to have a good rest of the night. And I did.

After that, I began doing a spot inventory. Why had it taken me almost an entire week to do something about feeling off? Had I become comfortable with being complacent? Was I expecting something to change without doing anything to make it happen? That was insanity popping up again. Then I began asking myself harder questions. Why had prayer stopped being my first response? Why was I waiting until something felt off before I prayed? That is when I got honest with myself. I had to admit the truth: I had let prayer fall out of my daily routine. Missing my daily prayer time started to show, quietly surfacing in my attitude. I was irritable and uneasy, and I had lost my smile. Although I was aware of it, I did nothing to change it. I was expecting it to change on its own.

Step 11 gives me the solution: seek through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God, praying for knowledge of His will and the power to carry that out. God is the one who helped me to this point. Did I think I would suddenly be able to carry on by myself? I still need His help every day. I did not need to go back and work all the steps over again. I simply needed to recognize what had happened, correct it, and move forward. When I pray, something changes in me. I may hide things from other people or even deny them to myself, but I cannot hide them from God. Prayer brings me honestly into His presence. It humbles me and makes me willing to change. I humbled myself, asked God to help me, and He did. He met my meh with grace and mercy, and I was changed. That is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer

God, help me make time for daily prayer. Show me when complacency tries to set in, and give me the strength to seek You even when I do not feel like it. Amen.