What Will I Paint Today?

Today hasn’t happened yet. I get to choose how it unfolds.

I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life… Deuteronomy 30:19

In my reading time this morning, I came across something that stuck with me. It said today is a day full of hours and minutes in which nothing has happened. I haven’t made any mistakes. I haven’t suffered any trouble. As I paused and meditated on those thoughts, I closed my eyes and saw a blank white canvas sitting on an easel, and I was the painter. The canvas was clean, open, and untouched. Just waiting for something to be painted on it. And I sensed God asking me, “What do you want to paint today?” That question felt bigger than I expected. It literally stopped me. At first my mind went blank, just like that canvas. Completely empty. I thought I have absolutely no idea what to paint. Am I even qualified to make such a big decision?

Then it hit me. This is my life. What do I want to see in it today? No wonder I used to feel like a victim. I wasn’t choosing anything. I was reacting to whatever came at me. The day painted itself, and I was just along for the ride. That’s what made life feel unmanageable and out of control. But today is different. I actually do get to choose what goes on this canvas. I get to choose the colors. I can paint peace or panic. Patience or frustration. I can reach for the same old colors like fear, resentment, and avoidance, or I can try something different like gratitude, honesty, and pausing before I react. Some days it feels easier to grab the familiar colors. They may not look good, but I know how to use them. But recovery is teaching me I don’t have to default to them anymore.

What feels new to me is that God is even asking me that question in the first place. What do you want to paint? I never used to think that way. I used to think everything was already decided. Like I didn’t really have a choice. Life just happened to me and I had to deal with it. That kind of thinking kept me stuck. It kept me reacting instead of choosing. But recovery has shown me something different. I do have choices. God has shown me that I have a say in what my life looks like today. The rest of my life is a blank canvas that has not been painted yet. It has not yet been determined. I get to choose how I respond. I get to choose which direction to go. And I get to do that without guilt. Realizing that is freedom. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer
Father, thank You for showing me that I have a choice. That You have given me that freedom. Help me slow down and choose wisely. Lead me and guide me each step of the way. Amen.