Life Is Good

Learning to Enjoy It

The gift of recovery for me is simply recognizing that life can be really good.

God richly gives us everything to enjoy. 1 Timothy 6:17

For the past few months I have been leaving my house around eight in the morning and not getting home until about 10:30 at night. It has been exhausting. Today was the first day in a long time that I was coming home at a reasonable time, and I caught myself wondering, What am I going to do tonight? Then a recovery thought came right into my mind: Be in the moment and enjoy the moment. I actually got excited about that thought. It made me happy because recovery is working in my life. I am learning to let my head and my heart be where my feet are. Tonight I get to spend the evening with my wife and daughter. I don’t have to have an agenda. I don’t have to have a plan. I don’t have to accomplish anything. I can just relax and enjoy their company and their presence. That is relaxing. That is rest. And I couldn’t be happier. There was a time when I wasn’t able to even recognize what good was. And living life seemed like a chore. It wasn’t fun.

When I first came into recovery, my life was filled with chaos, turmoil, stress, and damage. All of my energy went into dealing with problems, putting out fires, trying to control situations, and worrying about what might happen next. Working through the steps of Recovery, I learned how to deal with those things. But I also learned something else: I can enjoy the good things in life too. I now recognize when life is peaceful. I notice what is beautiful. I enjoy being home with the people I love without needing something else to happen. There doesn’t have to be a problem to solve or something that needs my attention. Life is really good. I am learning how to recognize it, appreciate it, and enjoy it.

That didn’t just happen overnight. It has been the result of continually working the steps with my sponsor and applying recovery principles to my life on a daily basis. I have heard it said that I cannot think my way into better behavior, but I can act my way into better thinking and feeling. I practiced these principles long before they became part of my regular thought process. My thinking began to change little by little. I am experiencing some of the sanity promised to me in Step Two. The chaos that once filled my life doesn’t define my life today. I have peace and actually recognize it when it is here. I have a life that is good, peaceful, and enjoyable. Tonight, that looks like coming home earlier, being with my wife and daughter, and simply being grateful to be there. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer

God, thank You for my life. Thank You for the good things You have placed in my life. Show me how to keep my mind and heart where my feet are. Help me notice the good in my life and be grateful. You are good and You are good to me. Thank You. Amen

Not Alone

Realizing That I Am Loved

Sometimes the things that annoy me are the very things I would miss if they were gone.

And the Lord God said, “It isn’t good for man to be alone…” Genesis 2:18

Our upstairs bathroom is being worked on, so for the time being my wife, my teenage daughter, and I are all sharing one bathroom. Normally, they use the upstairs bathroom and I use the downstairs one. At first, I didn’t think sharing would be that big of a deal. Then they moved in with all their stuff.

Everywhere I looked, there was some kind of product. In the shower there were three or four kinds of shampoo, two or three different conditioners, three different bars of soap, a couple kinds of liquid soap, pouf balls, loofahs, and multiple washcloths. Apparently, you need all of these things just to take a shower. In the drawers there were four different brushes, three different combs, and all kinds of other things that had never been there before. At first, I was annoyed. Their stuff was in my way, and I had to move my stuff around to make room for theirs. So I started thinking about what recovery principles I could use to help me deal with it. Let go and let God came to mind. I thought about How important is it? And knowing this wasn’t permanent, This too shall pass was another.

Then one day, while I was taking a shower and looking at all those products, another thought struck me out of the blue: I’m not alone. Big revelation, right? All of those things in my bathroom meant there were other people here. I love it when that happens. It usually means I am about to learn something and grow. Which I did. I realized that I like not being alone. Don’t get me wrong, I value my alone time very much, but I don’t want to be alone all the time. I’m not sure how I would feel if I were. I have people in my life that I love and who love me. We are a close-knit family. Yes, we get on each other’s nerves occasionally. We have our scuffles and disagreements, but we work them out. I don’t just love my family, I really, really like them and enjoy spending time with them.

When I got out of the shower, I took a look around at all that stuff. I saw something different. I saw that I’m not alone. I saw that I have a family. I saw that I am loved. I still wouldn’t mind having my bathroom back, and I definitely look forward to it, but until then, all those bottles, brushes, soaps, and loofahs remind me of something much more important than having everything where I want it. I have people in my life who love me, and I am very grateful for that. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Reflection: What things in my life annoy me but I would deeply miss if they were gone?

First Instinct

A New Heart

Being thankful even when circumstances are out of my control is how I know recovery is working in my life.

And I will give you a new heart, I will give you new and right desires, and put a new spirit within you. I will take out your stony hearts of sin and give you new hearts of love. Ezekiel 36:26

It was a sweltering hot day in the middle of a heat wave, and I had been umpiring all day. Around two o’clock, in the middle of my fourth game, it seemed like it couldn’t possibly get any hotter, but somehow it did. The game was slow and boring, and I was having a hard time staying interested and keeping my attention focused. I was exhausted and extremely hot. I felt like I could almost fall asleep standing there. I was counting the minutes until the game would finally be over. Then some large clouds drifted overhead and blocked out the sun. Almost immediately, it felt like the temperature dropped twenty degrees.

The relief felt incredible, and without even thinking about it I said, “Thank you, Lord.” I was genuinely grateful. As I was thanking God for the relief from the clouds, I quietly said, “Lord, if there could just be a breeze too, that would be amazing.” A few minutes later, a breeze picked up. I felt it moving across my sweaty skin, cooling me down even more. Once again, I thanked God. I was still hot. I was still tired. The game was still moving slowly. But now there were clouds overhead, a breeze against my skin, and I was grateful for both.

None of those circumstances were within my control. I couldn’t change the heat or make the game move faster. I couldn’t make the clouds cover the sun or cause the breeze to blow. Unpleasant circumstances didn’t just disappear when I started working recovery. They still happen. But now I get to choose what I focus on and how I will respond to what is happening around me. As I reflected on that, I realized that I was grateful for something more than the clouds and the breeze. I was grateful that my first instinct had been to thank God. There was a time when my first instinct was to look for what was wrong with everything. I could find a problem, an inconvenience, or a reason to complain without even trying.

Working through the steps has changed the way I think and what I choose to focus on. Through prayer, inventory, and deliberately looking for what is good instead of always focusing on what is wrong, my perspective has changed. I have developed a grateful heart. I didn’t have to remind myself to be grateful. I didn’t have to make myself look for something good. My first instinct was simply, “Thank you, Lord.” Gratitude had become my first instinct. And for that I’m grateful.

Prayer
God, thank You for changing my heart as I surrender to You. Help me keep choosing gratitude until it always becomes my first instinct. Amen.

Seeing the True Gift

God’s Faithfulness Once Again

Sometimes the greatest gift I receive is something different than the solution I am praying for.

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father… James 1:17

Over the weekend, a billing error caused our card to be charged six times for the same purchase and completely overdrew our bank account. To make matters worse, my wife had a very important doctor’s appointment the next day. She needed money for a co-pay, gas for the car, and a prescription. None of those things could wait. I racked my brain trying to figure out a way to get some cash and ran through every option I could think of. My wife was frustrated. I was frustrated. Sometimes that frustration can turn into an argument. But we both have enough recovery to recognize that we were upset with the situation, not with each other. There wasn’t anything we could do about it late Sunday night. We discussed whether she should cancel and reschedule the appointment, but since it was a post-operation checkup to have her sutures removed, it was important. The next opening with the doctor was several weeks away. So we agreed to let it go for the night and trust God to provide a solution.

Being a single income family, we have learned to trust God as our source. He provides for our needs in all kinds of ways. God’s help is not always dramatic or miraculous. We read in the Bible about ravens bringing food to Elijah every day. But most of the time God works through very ordinary means. He often uses people, circumstances, and opportunities in our life. An extra shift at work. An unexpected sale. A phone call. A conversation. A new idea.

On Monday morning, I was waiting on payment for work I had done over the weekend. They pay through Venmo, but the payment is usually sent on Sunday. I was concerned my wife would have to cancel her appointment. Finally, the payment came through about thirty minutes before she needed to leave. Since transferring money to our account usually takes a day or two, I started looking for places that accepted Venmo directly. I found a gas station that did, so at least we could get fuel in the car. Then I remembered that Venmo has an instant transfer option. I never use it because I don’t like paying the fee, but I decided that if that was what it took, then that was what I would do. Since I never used it, I had no idea what the fee would be. I thought it would be a percentage of the payment. When I opened the app, I discovered I had been paid a little extra. It was more than enough to cover the transfer fee and get the money into our account immediately. The transfer fee was not as significant as I feared it would be either. Within minutes, my wife had what she needed for her appointment, gas, and prescription and anything else she may need.

I thanked God for providing what we needed once again. He is always faithful. Then I realized something else. He helped us handle the situation differently than we would have in the past. Instead of panicking, arguing, or trying to force a solution, we were able to be patient, trust Him, and stay open minded to possibilities we had not considered. That is a gift I do not take for granted. Sometimes God’s help comes in the form of a dramatic miracle, but more often His provision comes through wisdom, perspective, and new ways of thinking. Looking back, God provided more than what we needed that weekend. I am not referring only to the money. The greater gift was the way He helped us walk through the situation. Years ago, we might have blamed each other, argued, or tried to force an answer. Instead, we trusted Him, worked together, and remained open to solutions we had not considered. The money solved an immediate problem, but the changes in our attitudes and behaviors are the true gift. God did not change us overnight. He changed us as we became willing to trust Him and apply the principles and steps of recovery one day at a time.

Reflection

What gifts from God have you noticed in your life since beginning your recovery journey?

Right In Front Of Me

Noticing Again

What becomes familiar can quietly become unappreciated. Gratitude keeps the most important things in my life from becoming invisible.

What is something in your life that you want to notice and appreciate again today?

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights. James 1:17

The past few days, I found myself really appreciating my wife. I started thinking about how much she means to me and how many qualities she has that I admire. The way she loves me. The way she accepts me. The way she makes me feel wanted. When I really stopped and thought about it, all the things that made me fall in love with her in the first place are still there. Nothing about her has changed. At the same time, I began to realize how easily I had stopped noticing. Sometimes what is most amazing and special can become so familiar that I stop seeing it. Working the steps helps me notice this and own it more easily. Instead of pretending I haven’t stopped noticing, I can acknowledge it and look for ways to change without guilt or shame for simply being human.

This realization started while I was writing about my Higher Power and thinking about the qualities I believe He has. Loving. Accepting. Understanding. Guiding. Stronger than me. As I thought about those qualities, it struck me that many of the same things I admire about my Higher Power are also present in my wife. That made me pause. If something as wonderful as my wife can become so familiar that I begin to take her for granted, I wondered if I might sometimes do the same thing with God. When something good becomes part of everyday life, it is easy to stop appreciating it the way I once did.

Recovery has given me many practical tools to help me navigate life and make different choices so I can get better results. My first thought was making a gratitude list is always a good idea. There is never a wrong time to stop and name what I am thankful for. So I decided to make a gratitude list about my wife and about my Higher Power. Then I had another thought, a different thought. Something I had not thought of before. I did not want to stop with just writing the list down. I wanted to say it out loud and verbalize my gratitude and thankfulness. I told my wife the things I had written down. I told her how I appreciate her and am so very thankful for her. I told God the things I am grateful for about Him too. In doing that, I realized something simple but very powerful. When I express my gratitude to those I love, it keeps the love alive. It keeps me from drifting into taking the best parts of my life and the people in my life for granted. And when I do that, something changes in me. I feel more aware, more connected, and more thankful. I am proud of who I am becoming. This is the gift of recovery to me.

Prayer

Father, thank You for the people You have placed in my life. Help me not to take them for granted. Teach me to slow down and notice the people and blessings You have given me. Help me to show love through gratitude. Amen.

Stopping To Smell The Roses

Slowing down and recognizing the beauty in front of me.

𝘋𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥. 𝘙𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘴 12:2

I will try to stop and take the time to smell the roses. I have always thought of that as a metaphorical idea. But my wife took it literally, and it was an object lesson for me. My wife and I were on a walk. We had decided to exercise and do a brisk 20 minute walk every evening to get our heart rate up and blood pumping. A healthy activity. As we were walking, about 10 minutes in, I noticed she was not right next to me. I looked over my shoulder, expecting to see her behind me, thinking maybe I was walking a bit too fast. Instead, I saw her stopped, bent over next to a rose bush on the path. She called me over. Frustrated, I pointed to my wrist and said we need to keep walking. We are interrupting our cardio and cannot stop. She looked at me with that ever so sweet smile and said, look at the sunset, look how beautiful it is. And come smell how lovely these roses are. She was happy and content. She was experiencing peace, pausing in the moment and admiring the beauty and wonder of her day. My wife was connecting with God while I was stuck on my agenda. She had literally stopped to smell the roses. And God opened my eyes to see that the phrase that sometimes becomes a cliche was really tangible. I saw the power of what it meant right before my eyes.

A full life is not just about doing step work and dealing with the past. All the hurts, pains, resentments and damage of the past. It is also about learning how to embrace what is good and beautiful. But here is the truth, it is not easy for me to look for the amazing and the wonderful. Years of trauma taught me to stay on guard and be on the lookout for danger. It shaped how I saw the world. Always watchful for what could happen and how to avoid it. And with it also came criticism, how can people not see an obviously horrible event and avoid it? That was my twisted thinking. My insane thinking. Step two enlightens me to this in a non threatening way. I came to believe that God could restore me to sanity. The understood concept is that I am insane. Otherwise, why would I seek to be restored to sanity? I have heard it said that my best thinking got me to where I am. So I need a different way of thinking. That moment with my wife showed me what that new way of thinking might look like.

This is what restored sanity actually looks like for me. It is not about a big spiritual breakthrough or a sudden change in personality. It is small moments like this, where I pause long enough to see what is good right in front of me. I am learning to slow down, to breathe, to not rush past the beauty God puts in my path. Experiencing healing in recovery and renewing my mind means being open to new ways of thinking. I do not want to miss the wonderful things God has planned or overlook the beauty right in front of me because I am stuck on an agenda or trying to exercise control. If stopping to smell the roses is part of becoming whole, then I want to practice it. I want to look for the goodness, the peace, the moments where God is trying to get my attention. I want to let Him restore my mind, moving me forward one simple choice at a time.

𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐫: God, thank You for reminding me to stop and see the beauty around me. Help me pause long enough to feel Your peace. Renew my mind and teach me a new way of thinking. I want to notice You in the quiet moments of my day. Amen.