Powerless, Not Helpless

Acceptance and Responsible Action

Getting older can stir up resentment we don’t expect. Here’s what happened when I worked a Fourth Step on it.

My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you. 2 Corinthians 12:9

Lately I have been more aware of my body. I do not have the same stamina I once had. I get tired easier. It takes longer to recover. I get sick sometimes when I seldom did before. As I get older, my body does not always cooperate with my mind the way it used to. That affects how much I can work, how much I can play, and even how I view myself as a man. I noticed something stirring underneath the surface. It began as uneasiness that would not go away. Then it turned into frustration and comparison. I would see other men my age still pushing hard, and I felt it. The old fear of not being good enough.

My sponsor taught me that when something is bothering me, I need to write about it. Thoughts become clear when they pass through our lips and fingertips. That is Fourth Step work. So I wrote about it. I asked myself why I was feeling not good enough and what I was afraid of. It didn’t take long for me to realize I was not just resentful of getting older as much as I was resentful of getting weaker. And I was afraid I would not be able to continue living the life that I was accustomed to. I was grieving the part of me who could push longer and produce more. When I dug deeper, I saw something I did not want to admit. I was angry at God. I was embarrassed to see that on paper. Aging is a natural process. I am not a victim. My life is not over. Yet I was blaming Him for something that simply is what it is.

As odd as it may sound, admitting that brought relief. God already knew what I was thinking. But my admittance was about being honest with myself. Aging exposes a new kind of powerlessness. I cannot control time, and I cannot stop my body from changing. When I resist that reality, resentment can build. When I accept it, that pressure releases. Acceptance does not mean fading away into weakness. It means making wise adjustments. I require more sleep now, so I go to bed earlier. I eat healthier so I have more energy. I exercise so my body can build endurance and strength. I keep my brain engaged and my mind active, looking for things that require mental effort. I stay connected in my relationships.

Working the Steps helps me move from embarrassment to acceptance, and from acceptance to action. I am powerless over aging, but I am not helpless. I still have choices that affect my stamina, my health, and my outlook. My goals have not disappeared. They have shifted. Because of my relationship with God, I can be honest with Him and with myself. I am not fading away. I am not stagnant. I am adjusting. I am progressing and growing in my recovery. It keeps me mentally and emotionally healthy. The decisions I make will help my body be as healthy as it can be. I can face this season with confidence instead of resentment. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer

Father, thank You that I can be honest with You about my fears and frustrations. Help me accept what I cannot control and take wise action where I can. Keep my heart free from resentment and steady in Your grace. Teach me to adjust wisely and trust that Your strength is enough for me. Amen.

The Highest Power

Admitting I am powerless doesn’t make me weak. It connects me to the Highest Power.
When I draw near to Him, He draws near to me.

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4:8

As far back as I can remember I have always believed in God. By that I mean I believed that God existed, He created everything, He was all-powerful, Jesus was His Son and He died on the cross and rose again and was the way to eternal life in heaven. But beyond that I didn’t have a relationship with God. In my thinking God was distant and removed, He didn’t interact in my life on a regular basis, let alone daily. I remember the day that I finally saw more and surrendered my life to God and accepted Jesus as my Savior. It was amazing. But if I am honest, I didn’t change the way I viewed God. He was still distant and off in the future, He wasn’t here and now. The principles of recovery walked me through a process where I began to see God more intimately involved in my daily life. Developing a personal relationship with Him is what working a recovery program is all about. I saw Him as the One True Higher Power.

It was the admission that I am powerless over my addictions or compulsive behaviors that opened me up to reach out to the fullness of God. When I asked for His power to help and heal me, I began to understand that He wants to transform me. He does so by filling my life with His love, His joy, His hope, and His presence. I learned in Steps 1 and 2 that I needed to turn my attention away from myself and instead turn it toward God. This would be my turning point. This is where healing and freedom began for me. I felt overwhelmed and stranded when I realized that I can’t heal myself. Considering I needed divine help was scary. God is the only one who has the power to replace my chaos with freedom, and I had no idea how He would close that distance.

Of course, He knew long before I did what was needed. That is why He sent Jesus to demonstrate God’s love and power here on earth. He saved me from the grip of sin and the destruction it was bringing into my life. He gave an example of how to live out that relationship with God on a daily basis. He was tempted in every area and in every way that I am, but without failure and without sin. He is not just my higher power. He is the Highest Power, because He has conquered all life can dish out. He did that for me so I could experience freedom and intimacy with Him in my own life. When I acknowledge my own powerlessness, I see His power sustaining me daily no matter what I face.

Today, admitting my powerlessness does not make me feel weak. Instead, it is exactly how I draw strength. When I surrender to God, He does not leave me stranded to face my challenges alone. I am not abandoned. He is present and active in my life. He no longer feels distant. I know He is with me. This happens when I stop resisting Him. It may seem like the opposite of what I should do, but it is simply an act of faith. I am learning that this is what trusting Him looks like. When I give up control and surrender to Him, I receive Him. He is the Highest Power.

Prayer

Lord, I give up control again today. I confess that I cannot heal myself or carry this life alone. Draw me close to You and help me stay close. When I feel weak, remind me that Your strength is enough. Thank You for being the Highest Power in my life. Amen.

Trust, but Verify

Courage isn’t opening up all at once, but opening up wisely

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

Freedom doesn’t come from hiding; it comes from honesty. I was hurt very early in my Christian walk by the person who led me to the Lord. It was gut-wrenching and painful. This person shared things I had told them in confidence and they even mocked me behind my back. That experience left a deep wound, a scar that shaped how I saw people for years. From that moment on, I kept my guard up, convinced that if people in the church couldn’t be trusted, no one could. I learned to smile on the outside but stayed guarded on the inside. I reasoned that I was protecting my witness, but really, I was covering my pain. If no one knew my challenges, then they couldn’t use them to hurt me again.

For a long time, I believed that sharing my struggles was like announcing to the world that I was weak and didn’t measure up. But in recovery, I began to see that it wasn’t the principles of trust and confession that were wrong, it was trusting and sharing with the wrong person. Admitting my wrongs (confession), done safely, is where healing begins. Telling the truth to someone trustworthy has become one of the most freeing experiences of my life. Every time I bring something into the light, it no longer has power over me, and I find a little more freedom. That’s what recovery has taught me: when I tell the truth in a safe place, I am actually humbling myself, and when I do I receive the grace that God promises.

God has a way of using safe people to rebuild broken trust. Through relationships in recovery, He showed me that it’s possible to open up again, not carelessly, but courageously. The Just for Today bookmark reminds me that I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I thought I had to do it for a lifetime. So, I adopted my own slogan: “Trust, but verify.” It allows me to be open and honest in pieces and still feel safe. I can share something with someone, but not everything all at once. I pause and see how they respond, and if it still feels safe, I can share more. For me, it has worked. Healing didn’t come all at once, but through each moment of honesty and grace. My walls began to lower, and I could finally breathe. I learned that trusting again isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a demonstration of freedom from the wounds and scars of the past. And I can see the reality of the promise in James 4:6.

Prayer:
God, thank You for healing my broken trust and teaching me how to be open again. Help me to recognize the safe people You’ve placed in my life and give me the courage to keep living honestly. Use my story to help others find safety, healing, and hope in You. Amen.