Tag: sarcasm

Chicken Legs

Other Possibilities Exist 

Recovery is helping me recognize my old behaviors before I act on them, and I’m learning to listen when God shows me another way. 

If you go the wrong way, to the right or to the left, you will hear a voice behind you. It will say, “This is the right way. You should go this way.” Isaiah 30:21 ICB

I know this guy, and we get along pretty well. We’re acquaintances. I see him around town and at certain meetings or events I go to. We haven’t really done anything socially together, but he seems like a guy I would like to get to know better and become friends with. I saw him the other day at the park, and he was wearing shorts. I had never seen him wear shorts before. My first thought was to go up to him and crack a joke about his legs and say something like, “People with chicken legs like yours shouldn’t be wearing shorts!”

As I was thinking about how to deliver the joke, a few other thoughts came to mind. “Isn’t that what you’re trying to stop doing? Why be sarcastic and crack a joke? What is it that you really want to say?” It was then that I realized what I really wanted to say was, “Would you like to be my friend?” But that seemed childish and needy to me, so I wasn’t going to say that. As I thought about this, I remembered a recovery phrase my sponsor has said to me many times. “Consider that the possibility exists.” I thought maybe I could try a different approach here. So, I resisted the urge to make a sarcastic joke. Instead, I just said, “Hi, how are you doing?” 

Then I thought, I’m the only one who knows what thoughts were going through my head. I never said the sarcastic remark, and I never acted on it. So I don’t owe amends. I can see the progress, and I know there’s growth happening in me because I didn’t act on those thoughts.

It wasn’t that long ago that I had a similar situation with someone else. Except that time, I did make a sarcastic joke. And I didn’t like how I felt afterward. Through journaling and step work, I was able to own my part, identify which core issue was being hit, and address what was causing me to act like that. This is how recovery works in my life. I am not always able to change my behavior right away and never have to deal with it again. Most of the time, after I have done step work and figured out my part, I am given another opportunity to apply my new awareness and put my decision into practice. And that is what happened here. I had the crazy thought, but I was caught mid-crazy thought with a recovery thought. That is growth. That is progress. That is huge for me! 

I have had a few other opportunities since then too when I didn’t even have the crazy thought. I just had a recovery thought. I can honestly say that I am grateful that God was helping me. I know it was He that interrupted my crazy thought midway with a recovery thought. I am also proud of myself for changing that behavior. I cannot express how excited I am that God is helping me change. Or should I say that I am finally listening to God in this area? I am really thankful that by surrendering to God and applying the principles of recovery, I am changing. I am a changed person from who I was when I started. That is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer: God, thank You for speaking to me and showing me another way. Help me to recognize Your voice and follow Your direction instead of falling back into my old behaviors. Amen. 

Wanting to Belong

Hiding Behind Humor

I am learning to stop trying so hard to fit in and simply be myself.

Those who are without friends, God gives families… Psalm 68:6

The other day I saw someone I knew waiting in line to get some food. This is someone I would like to know better and possibly even become friends with. Right now we are just acquaintances. I wanted to walk up and say, “Hi, how are you doing?” Instead, I walked up and teased them. I said to the vendor, “You better watch out for this person. You never know what they may do.” They laughed and said, “Better watch out for you.” We chit-chatted for a moment and I left. A couple of days later, I had a similar interaction with another acquaintance I would also like to know better. Instead of saying hello and asking how he was doing, my first words were another sarcastic joke. He smiled and looked away.

That night, as I was reflecting on my day, I thought about both interactions. Why did I tease them that way? Could I have offended them or hurt their feelings? Did my interactions move those relationships closer, like I hoped they would? Those questions led me to another question, a deeper one. Why do I use humor, sarcasm, and teasing when I am trying to make friends? It dawned on me that I do this almost all the time. I tease. I banter. I joke. I use sarcasm. My intention is never to push people away. What I really want is to build closer relationships, but this behavior rarely helps me do that. I have a hard time being open, honest, and vulnerable with people. I am afraid of being hurt. So, instead, I use humor to get attention and protect myself. Unfortunately, it often shows up as sarcasm and teasing.

My recovery tools help me when I recognize a pattern or behavior I do not like. I have learned to stop and ask myself questions. What benefit did I get from it? I thought I was projecting an image of confidence. What need am I trying to fill? I want to be accepted. What am I feeling? I am feeling left out. What do I want? I want to be included. My answers lead me to a common theme. I don’t feel good enough. So, I try to act like the kind of person everyone wants to be around. I sigh. None of this is news to me. Great, my character defects are showing up again. So, what do I do about it?

I start with prayer and seek God’s help. I ask Him to show me how to be vulnerable and how to connect, and to give me the strength and courage to do so. I also ask Him to open a door and give me an opportunity to make amends when needed. I decide to be honest and vulnerable and just say, “Hi, how are you?” I let the conversation determine what comes next and resist the urge to make myself look good. I instead turn it over to God and stop trying to control the conversation. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer:

God, help me to stop hiding behind humor. Help me to be open and vulnerable with people and trust that You will help me to belong. Amen