Recognizing Old Behaviors

Seeing My Part

How do I know if I am practicing my recovery? When I can hear the truth about myself, even when it is not what I want to hear.

That you are to put away, as concerning your earlier way of life, the old man, which becomes evil by deceitful desires; And be made new in the spirit of your mind, And put on the new man, to which God has given life, in righteousness and a true and holy way of living. Ephesians 4:22-24

I recently had a conflict at work. An employee received a call from a client who questioned an invoice. She had decided that another employee made a mistake. I tried to calm her down and explain that we should find out what happened first before jumping to conclusions. The conversation shifted. The employee became defensive, argumentative, and interrupted me repeatedly. I got frustrated. The more I tried to explain, the more she argued. Eventually, I ended the conversation and walked away. Later, I spoke with her supervisor, asking if they could explain the concept to the employee. The supervisor agreed and made a passing comment that the employee and I seemed to be talking at each other instead of talking to each other.

To be honest, it would have been easy to just dismiss and ignore the comment. After all, the employee had been the one arguing. She had been the one refusing to listen. She even called the client back and threw me under the bus. It would have been easy to focus entirely on everything she had done wrong. I felt justified. But that is not recovery. Instead, I paused and thought about that comment the supervisor made. It resonated with me, not because it reflected the man I want to be today, but because I recognized traces of the man I used to be. One of the principles I have learned from working the steps is to look for my part in every conflict. Not because everything is my fault, but because in every conflict I have a part. It is up to me to be honest with myself and open-minded enough to find it.

As I thought about the situation, I realized that while I may have been right about the issue itself, I was no longer getting through to her. I was frustrated. I was repeating myself. I kept trying harder and harder to make my point. I realized that what I really wanted was for her to understand what I was trying to say. In my frustration, I had shifted into defensiveness, trying so hard to make my point that I stopped listening to understand. That is when I recognized I had drifted into old behavior.

What I am most grateful for today is not that the conflict was resolved. What I am grateful for is that I was able to hear the truth about my behavior in a passing comment without becoming defensive. Instead, I had a sincere desire to change and grow. Years ago, I would have spent all of my energy proving why I was right. Today, I am grateful that God has given me the willingness to look honestly at myself and to ask, “What is my part?” He has given me the courage to confront whatever it is and change. I am grateful that I know God is still working in my life because I can see things about myself today that I used to be blind to. That reminds me that He is not finished with me yet.

Reflection

Is there an old behavior you recognize in yourself that God may be asking you to address?

One Step at a Time… Again

Back to Basics

Drift doesn’t announce itself. It just shows up quietly. Before I even notice.

So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 1 Corinthians 10:12

This week after meeting with my sponsor, I realized something that caught me off guard. For the first time, I hadn’t completed all my work and assignments. I had been so busy that I completely forgot to finish it. It wasn’t a relapse. It wasn’t a slip. It wasn’t even a major issue. But it got my attention. I didn’t like it, not at all. It borderline scared me that I could drift and be completely unaware of it. It made me stop and think. Why did I forget to finish my work? I didn’t even think about it. That’s when I have to stop and be honest with myself. Something has changed, and if I don’t catch it here, it will only grow and get worse.

I’ve learned to pay attention when something feels a little off. I look to see if I’m too busy, a little more distracted, a little less focused, or starting to think maybe the old way could work. That’s when I need to ask myself some questions. Am I still attending the same number of meetings? Am I still doing my step work? Am I still praying and seeking God? When I really look, I usually find something in these basic areas has shifted. It’s a symbiotic relationship. It’s simple cause and effect. When my recovery disciplines start to slip, my thinking soon follows. And vice versa. That awareness has become a check and balance system for me.

This is where this mindset helps me keep going. If I’ve done this before, I can do it again. I don’t have to feel discouraged or beat down. I don’t have to entertain lies. I don’t have to feel like I’ve lost everything. This stuff really works if I apply it to my life. So I go back to the basics, to what got me here. One moment. One hour. One day at a time. That’s how I started, and that’s how I continue. The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step… the next right step again.

I don’t say this because I’ve relapsed or slipped. I say this because I don’t want to. I’ve seen this work in my own life. I know that I know that I know that I know that if I do my recovery disciplines, they will work. I feel better about myself. I know I am changing. That brings me peace, happiness, and serenity. That gives me confidence. It allows me to throw my shoulders back, lift my head high, have a smile on my face, and keep going on. My life isn’t over. I’m still moving forward. I’m still growing. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer
Father, thank You for helping me see when things start to drift. Help me stay aware and honest with myself. Show me where I’ve slipped and give me the willingness to go back to the basics. Keep me grounded in the disciplines that brought me here. I don’t want to go backward. I want to keep moving forward with You, one step at a time. Amen.

It’s the Hard That Makes It Great

We can’t become tired of doing good. At the right time we will harvest a crop if we don’t give up, or quit. Galatians 6:9

I was watching the movie A League of Their Own. There is a scene that hit me hard. It’s when Dottie is ready to walk away and quit. She tells Jimmy, “It just got too hard.” The pressure, the sacrifice, and the pain finally were too much. Jimmy responds, “It is supposed to be hard. If it was easy, everyone would do it. It is the hard that makes it great.”

I was thinking how that line represents my life in recovery. Working the steps is not easy. Facing the past is painful. Surrendering control feels scary. Admitting my weakness and making amends are humbling. If my own past efforts would have worked, I would not have stayed stuck in addiction for so long. The principles of recovery ask me to face the very things I spent years avoiding, and that is exactly why it’s so hard.

I’m learning recovery is about surrender and honesty. To admit I’m powerless, to face the truth about my life, make amends, and turn my will and life over to God daily. This work is not just about being clean only, it’s about transformation. None of that comes naturally to me. It requires humility. It requires trusting God in places where I used to rely on myself, often through control, pride, or escape. When I feel weak, I am reminded that I am not doing this in my own strength. God meets me in the hard places and gives me what I need for today.

When step work feels exhausting or too hard and I think of quitting, I call my sponsor. Like that coach in the movie, he encourages me that this work doesn’t just feel or seem hard, it indeed is hard. If this was easy work everyone would do it. If I keep on going and do not quit when things get hard, I will experience the promises of recovery in my life. Peace, freedom, happiness, contentment, and connection all start to show up, and that is what makes recovery great.

Prayer
God, let me feel Your strength when things get hard. Help me to keep on going. I don’t always feel strong or hopeful, but I don’t want to give up. Help me keep doing the work even when I don’t feel like it. Give me courage to keep going. Amen.