Tag: thankful

First Instinct

A New Heart

Being thankful even when circumstances are out of my control is how I know recovery is working in my life.

And I will give you a new heart, I will give you new and right desires, and put a new spirit within you. I will take out your stony hearts of sin and give you new hearts of love. Ezekiel 36:26

It was a sweltering hot day in the middle of a heat wave, and I had been umpiring all day. Around two o’clock, in the middle of my fourth game, it seemed like it couldn’t possibly get any hotter, but somehow it did. The game was slow and boring, and I was having a hard time staying interested and keeping my attention focused. I was exhausted and extremely hot. I felt like I could almost fall asleep standing there. I was counting the minutes until the game would finally be over. Then some large clouds drifted overhead and blocked out the sun. Almost immediately, it felt like the temperature dropped twenty degrees.

The relief felt incredible, and without even thinking about it I said, “Thank you, Lord.” I was genuinely grateful. As I was thanking God for the relief from the clouds, I quietly said, “Lord, if there could just be a breeze too, that would be amazing.” A few minutes later, a breeze picked up. I felt it moving across my sweaty skin, cooling me down even more. Once again, I thanked God. I was still hot. I was still tired. The game was still moving slowly. But now there were clouds overhead, a breeze against my skin, and I was grateful for both.

None of those circumstances were within my control. I couldn’t change the heat or make the game move faster. I couldn’t make the clouds cover the sun or cause the breeze to blow. Unpleasant circumstances didn’t just disappear when I started working recovery. They still happen. But now I get to choose what I focus on and how I will respond to what is happening around me. As I reflected on that, I realized that I was grateful for something more than the clouds and the breeze. I was grateful that my first instinct had been to thank God. There was a time when my first instinct was to look for what was wrong with everything. I could find a problem, an inconvenience, or a reason to complain without even trying.

Working through the steps has changed the way I think and what I choose to focus on. Through prayer, inventory, and deliberately looking for what is good instead of always focusing on what is wrong, my perspective has changed. I have developed a grateful heart. I didn’t have to remind myself to be grateful. I didn’t have to make myself look for something good. My first instinct was simply, “Thank you, Lord.” Gratitude had become my first instinct. And for that I’m grateful.

Prayer
God, thank You for changing my heart as I surrender to You. Help me keep choosing gratitude until it always becomes my first instinct. Amen.

Perfect Timing

Seeing God

I’m learning to look for God in the ordinary moments of my day, not just the dramatic ones.

Your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. Matthew 6:8

As an umpire, I have all kinds of gear and equipment I wear for games. Chest protector, shin guards, face mask, steel-toed shoes, jackets for cold weather, rain gear, and different uniforms depending on the conditions. Some of it is for protection and some of it is simply part of presenting yourself professionally and showing respect for the game. Living in the desert I have to be prepared for all kinds of weather conditions, sometimes having opposite extremes even in the same day. A few months ago was one of those days. I was umpiring a tournament out of town and it was a very cold morning, so I wore my insulated jacket. As the game progressed, the weather warmed up quickly, and I took my jacket off and left it in a dugout. I worked four more games that day in much warmer weather and completely forgot my jacket.

Honestly, I didn’t even realize it was missing until weeks later when I started looking for it. I checked my car, my uniform closet, local ballfields, and even asked other umpires and coaches if they had seen it. Nobody knew where it was. I figured it was probably gone for good. Then last week, out of nowhere, I got a call from a tournament director asking if I could umpire an upcoming tournament. Before we hung up, he said, “Oh, by the way, I have your jacket.” Someone had found it and given it to him months earlier. I was grateful just knowing it hadn’t been stolen or thrown away. But what really struck me was the timing of it all.

Last night I was umpiring a playoff game. The forecast was for cold weather that eventually turned rainy. I brought my jacket with me and put it on during the game. I stayed warm and dry. Driving home afterward, I found myself thinking about how thankful I was to have gotten it back when I did. The timing was perfect. The weather had been nice for the last couple months. I really didn’t need it then. But I needed it last night. And that simple little moment reminded me how recovery has changed the way I see my life. Before recovery, I probably would have taken the timing for granted and moved on. But I have a new practice now because of my recovery. I review my day each night and look for God in it. I try to notice all the ways, big and small, that He is looking out for me, even when I do not realize it at the time. Getting my jacket back only a couple days before I really needed it reminded me that God was taking care of me the whole time. Honestly, I am so grateful and thankful for that, even more than getting the jacket back. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer

Father, thank You for all the ways You look out for me that I do not even notice at the time. Help me to slow down and recognize Your presence in my everyday life. Remind me to be thankful for the little things. Amen.