Practicing Recovery

Practicing recovery usually begins with considering the possibility of a different response.

Don’t let evil get the upper hand, but conquer evil by doing good. Romans 12:21

Where we live the water is not good for drinking. One of my weekly chores is to take our 5-gallon jugs and get them refilled. I recently stopped at the store to do that. Knowing I would need space to put the full jugs into my car, I pulled in to the parking slot, like I have done so many times before, giving myself plenty of room on both sides. I grabbed a shopping cart and placed all of my empty jugs into it,  and headed to the water refill station. When I came back to my car, a big four-wheel-drive pickup had parked next to me. It was so close to my driver’s side that I couldn’t open my door and squeeze into my car. As I looked closer, I noticed a fresh ding and mark on my door with paint that matched the same color of the truck. I could tell exactly what had happened. I went around to the passenger’s side and crawled across the seats to the driver’s side. I started my car and moved it over so I would have enough room to load my water. While I was doing that, I felt resentment try to rear its ugly head and my mind was suddenly busy with vindictive thoughts. I thought about swinging my door into their truck and leaving a ding. I thought about turning the shopping cart upside down and leaving it behind their vehicle so they would have to deal with it. I even thought about leaving a really nasty note. Then, out of nowhere, another thought interrupted all that and came into my mind. I think it was God, but it sounded an awful lot like my sponsor, so you know what that means. It simply said, “This is a good chance to practice recovery.” At first that thought made me even angrier. How will they ever know they did me wrong?

As I thought about practicing recovery, I wasn’t even sure what that meant in this situation. The only thing I could think of was to load my water, return the shopping cart where it belonged, get in my car, and drive home. I didn’t have some profound spiritual experience standing there in the parking lot. I just knew I had a choice. I could pass along the frustration that had just been handed to me, or I could let it stop with me. So, that is just what I did. Whoever it was that parked next to me may not know or even care that they damaged my car and made my day more difficult. But that really wasn’t the point. What I am learning is that I don’t have to seek revenge when someone does me wrong or hurts me. I can choose a different response.

Before coming to recovery, someone else’s actions like this would usually determine mine. I would react and respond in kind. If they were rude, I was rude. If they hurt me, I wanted to hurt them right back. Tit for tat. An eye for an eye was my motto. But that is contrary to what I have learned so far in recovery. Surrendering my old thoughts to God and letting them go was practicing recovery. I was using the spiritual principles of the program. Like acceptance, self-control and forgiveness. I was thinking differently and considering a new approach to old feelings.  

Today I am thankful, that with God’s help, I made a healthy choice. I did not act on the thoughts that started running through my head. I paused, took a breath and slowed down my thinking. I considered a different option. I feel like I won in that moment in the battle for control of my thinking and actions. I don’t owe an amends, and I didn’t retaliate or react. I didn’t do something I might regret later. And that’s the gift of recovery for me.

Reflection

How can I practice recovery in my life today?