Already Enough

I didn’t realize how much pressure I put on myself… until I saw it in my daughter.

A person’s words come from what fills their heart. Matthew 12:34

My daughter plays softball, and she’s a good hitter. The other day during a game, she overheard the opposing coach say, “Wow, she makes good solid contact every time.” Her next time at bat, she walked. She was frustrated she didn’t get a chance to hit. Then her next at bat, she struck out. You could see it… she was trying so hard to hit the ball. Trying to prove she really was a good hitter. I was trying to encourage her and told her that she didn’t have to try so hard. You are a good hitter. You don’t have to prove it. Just have fun and let it happen. Later we went and did some batting practice, and she was rocking it again… just like before. God used that to show me something about me. I do the same thing with my writing. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

When someone makes a positive comment about what I write, I feel it. I sometimes find that I put pressure on myself. I want to perform and do good again. I want to prove that I am good enough to deserve the praise or compliment. The truth is when I focus on growing and continuing my journey for me, I don’t have to force it. If I just keep putting good stuff in, good stuff will naturally come out. I know this. I don’t have to force it.

He showed me something else too. It can become an addiction. When someone likes what I write, it releases dopamine in my brain. And that dopamine release is an unexpected boost. My brain likes it and wants more. That is where “crave” comes from. I start craving that feeling. And my brain says, “Hey when I write something people like I can get that instant boost. Let’s do that again.” But when I focus on doing my recovery for me, to improve myself and grow closer to God, the dopamine is released naturally and evenly. I do not have spikes with quick highs and lows.

I am grateful for my recovery today. It allows me to see things as they really are. I can slow down and honestly look at my motives and make different choices. I can then share what God shows me instead of trying to write something people will think is good enough. I don’t have to prove it anymore.

Prayer
Father, help me to stop trying to prove myself. Teach me to trust what You’ve already put in me. Show me how to slow down. Help me just be me and enjoy life. Thank You. Amen.