Tag: Step 10

Water Jugs

Being Refilled Again

I cannot live today on yesterday’s prayers. I need to keep coming back to God to be refilled.

But those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength; they will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

The drinking water where we live is not very good, and there have been enough questions about the quality and safety of it that we choose not to drink it. One of my weekly chores is to gather up our water jugs and take them down to the filling station. So every week I load the empty jugs into my car, drive down to the water station, fill them up, and bring them home. It usually takes about an hour out of my day. I will admit, it is inconvenient. There are plenty of other things I would rather do with that hour. But if I do not refill the jugs, eventually we run out of water.

The other day, while I was loading all the jugs into my car, I started thinking about how much those empty jugs reminded me of my recovery. I need to continually be filled too. Working my recovery program is not something I started years ago and can now just leave alone. My spiritual life is not something I can fill up once and expect to stay full forever. Life is sometimes draining. Stress, responsibilities, and relationships often require effort and energy. After a while, I start running low again. If I am not paying attention, I can get empty before I even realize it. That is why Step 10 is so important to me. It keeps me looking at myself and honestly assessing where I am, what is going on inside me, and what needs my attention. The jugs do not stay full just because I filled them when I bought them or even because I filled them last week, and neither do I.

Step 11 is where I continue going back to God. Through prayer and meditation, I seek Him, listen for His direction, and allow Him to replenish what life has drained out of me. I cannot live today on yesterday’s prayers. I cannot depend only on what God showed me last week, last year, or years ago when I first entered recovery. I need Him today. That does not mean everything I received before is gone. It means my relationship with God is active and ongoing. Just as those water jugs need to be refilled regularly, so do I. And when I am practicing Steps 10 and 11, then Step 12 becomes a natural outcome. I have something to share with others because I continue to receive.

Maybe that is why filling those water jugs every week struck me differently today. I have done it countless times, and I will have to do it again. They will get emptied, and I will need to refill them next week. That is not failure. That is how they are meant to be used. That is their purpose. The same is true for me. Recovery is not about getting filled once and staying that way forever. It is about continuing to pay attention, staying connected to God, and continuing to practice what keeps me spiritually and emotionally healthy. I need to keep coming back to the source to be refilled. God is my source.

Prayer

God, I need You today and every day. Help me stay close to You and be honest about where I am. Fill me with Your Spirit, strength, wisdom, and direction. I commit this day to You. Amen.

Unattended Consequences

Little things rarely stay little if unattended.

Paying Attention

Catch all the little foxes before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming! Song of Solomon 2:15

I spent part of the weekend catching up on some long overdue yardwork. This spring has been unusually wet. Between the alternating rain and sunshine, not to mention watering the trees, the weeds had gotten completely out of control. What once started out as small weeds weeks ago had become large, deeply rooted, and thriving. As I started pulling them, I noticed a couple things. The weeds had now become home to all kinds of bugs. Wasps, hornets, beetles, spiders, and all kinds of other insects had made the weeds their home. Now I was disturbing their environment. They immediately scattered, buzzed around me, and seemed determined to defend their territory. I can’t blame them for that. They were everywhere, but the bugs were not really the problem. My neglect had allowed an entire ecosystem to develop. The bugs were simply living in the environment I had allowed to develop and I was now disrupting it. By putting off regular maintenance, I had unintentionally created the conditions where their ecosystem could not only live but thrive.

I couldn’t help but see the parallel to my recovery. Character defects rarely develop overnight. They grow because I neglect the little things. I procrastinate on my step work. I neglect my prayer life. I stop journaling. I tell myself I’m too busy to attend a meeting or call my sponsor. None of those acts of neglect seem significant by themselves. But over time they can accumulate and create an environment where unhealthy attitudes, old thinking, and destructive behaviors can take root and begin to flourish. What once could have been pulled with very little effort when it was small, becomes deeply rooted simply because I kept telling myself I’d deal with it later.

As I continued working, I also noticed that the weeds were much harder to remove than they ever had been in the past. Normally I could have pulled the weeds easily by hand, but now I couldn’t. Because I had waited so long, what should have been a simple job now required much more time and effort. What once required only my hands now required gloves, a rake, a hoe, and a shovel. Recovery is no different. The longer I ignore an issue, the more work it often takes to address it. In my recovery, a daily Step 10 inventory helps me address small issues before they become deeply rooted and begin affecting other areas of my life. I can’t afford to ignore the small things and expect them to stay small.

When I was done, I sat down with a cup of iced tea admiring my work and how nice the yard looked again. As I sat there, I began reflecting on everything I had noticed while working. This wasn’t exposing a problem I have today as much as reminding me why I don’t want to go back to the way I used to live. Recovery has changed what I pay attention to. Before recovery, I ignored little things, and even the big things, pretending they weren’t really there. Denial made that easy. Today, I know that little things rarely stay little. That’s why I try to pay attention before they have the opportunity to become deeply rooted. Daily prayer, honest inventory, meetings, and talking with my sponsor aren’t just recovery disciplines. Those practices help me recognize small issues before they have the chance to take root and grow into old attitudes and behaviors. That is the gift of recovery for me.

Reflection

What have I been putting off? Is there a small issue I need to address today before it has the opportunity to take root and grow?