New Instincts

Interrupting What Feels Automatic

Sometimes change starts with noticing what I do without thinking.

Create in me a pure heart, God, and make my spirit right again. Psalm 51:10

This morning, while I was getting dressed, I decided to practice something I read in the Just for Today bookmark. It said, “Just for today I will do two things I don’t want to do, just for practice.” So, as I was putting on my shoes, I decided to do something different. I am a sock sock shoe shoe person. I have always been. But today I shook things up. I did sock shoe sock shoe. It felt very, very weird. It was uncomfortable. I didn’t like it. It just felt wrong, even though it really didn’t matter at all. It was a safe place to try out a new behavior. Putting on my shoes and socks is so mundane and routine, I don’t even think about it. I couldn’t even remember consciously doing it most times. But somehow, doing sock shoe sock shoe suddenly captured my full attention.

That simple act in that moment got me thinking about my instincts. How I automatically do things every day without even thinking about them. They are so routine, so familiar, that I barely notice them. Most of the time, I could not even tell you when or how I do them. So many of my behaviors have become part of who I am simply because I have done them over and over again. Some of those instincts today are healthy. Praying and asking God for help. Writing about my concerns. Pausing before reacting. Being honest with myself. I do not always know when those instincts were formed. I just know they are there now. But I also see how many instincts I lived by before recovery that were not healthy at all. Defending myself. Withdrawing. Controlling.

I thought to myself, this is how it is in recovery. This is why doing step work with my sponsor matters so much for me. When I slow down, get honest with myself, and ask God to show me my motives, He does. He shows me where my instincts came from and what they were trying to protect. That is when change becomes possible. Instincts are not just habits. Habits are what I do. Instincts are why I do them. Recovery is teaching me how to interrupt unhealthy instincts and practice new ones until they become natural. I am learning that my instincts are not permanent. By practicing the principles of recovery and seeking God’s help, my old automatic behaviors and instincts are changed into new ones. And that is the gift of recovery for me.

Prayer
God, help me to slow down and notice what I instinctively do and why. Give me the courage to change and show me how to practice new healthy habits. I thank You for Your faithfulness to help me. Amen.