Other Possibilities Exist
Recovery is helping me recognize my old behaviors before I act on them, and I’m learning to listen when God shows me another way.
If you go the wrong way, to the right or to the left, you will hear a voice behind you. It will say, “This is the right way. You should go this way.” Isaiah 30:21 ICB
I know this guy, and we get along pretty well. We’re acquaintances. I see him around town and at certain meetings or events I go to. We haven’t really done anything socially together, but he seems like a guy I would like to get to know better and become friends with. I saw him the other day at the park, and he was wearing shorts. I had never seen him wear shorts before. My first thought was to go up to him and crack a joke about his legs and say something like, “People with chicken legs like yours shouldn’t be wearing shorts!”
As I was thinking about how to deliver the joke, a few other thoughts came to mind. “Isn’t that what you’re trying to stop doing? Why be sarcastic and crack a joke? What is it that you really want to say?” It was then that I realized what I really wanted to say was, “Would you like to be my friend?” But that seemed childish and needy to me, so I wasn’t going to say that. As I thought about this, I remembered a recovery phrase my sponsor has said to me many times. “Consider that the possibility exists.” I thought maybe I could try a different approach here. So, I resisted the urge to make a sarcastic joke. Instead, I just said, “Hi, how are you doing?”
Then I thought, I’m the only one who knows what thoughts were going through my head. I never said the sarcastic remark, and I never acted on it. So I don’t owe amends. I can see the progress, and I know there’s growth happening in me because I didn’t act on those thoughts.
It wasn’t that long ago that I had a similar situation with someone else. Except that time, I did make a sarcastic joke. And I didn’t like how I felt afterward. Through journaling and step work, I was able to own my part, identify which core issue was being hit, and address what was causing me to act like that. This is how recovery works in my life. I am not always able to change my behavior right away and never have to deal with it again. Most of the time, after I have done step work and figured out my part, I am given another opportunity to apply my new awareness and put my decision into practice. And that is what happened here. I had the crazy thought, but I was caught mid-crazy thought with a recovery thought. That is growth. That is progress. That is huge for me!
I have had a few other opportunities since then too when I didn’t even have the crazy thought. I just had a recovery thought. I can honestly say that I am grateful that God was helping me. I know it was He that interrupted my crazy thought midway with a recovery thought. I am also proud of myself for changing that behavior. I cannot express how excited I am that God is helping me change. Or should I say that I am finally listening to God in this area? I am really thankful that by surrendering to God and applying the principles of recovery, I am changing. I am a changed person from who I was when I started. That is the gift of recovery for me.
Prayer: God, thank You for speaking to me and showing me another way. Help me to recognize Your voice and follow Your direction instead of falling back into my old behaviors. Amen.
