Recovery Takes Action

Doing The Next Right Thing

Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. James 2:17

The other day my car broke down. The battery died and I did not have any jumper cables. I was stranded on the side of the freeway. I grabbed my phone and called my friend. He did not answer. I got his voicemail. I didn’t have anyone else to call. I felt helpless. What would I do? I thought about calling him again, except that would make me seem needy. But I needed help, so I called him again. This time he answered. I told him my situation and asked if he would help me. He said sure and was on his way. While I was waiting for him to arrive, I began to wonder how long I would have sat there, if I had not humbled myself and asked for help

That was me before recovery. I sat in my pain for years. Never asking for help. I didn’t get along with people. I had compulsive behaviors. I overreacted. I got my feelings hurt easily. I almost always felt left out and unwanted. My marriage was a facade. I could not stand being alone with my thoughts, so I filled every minute trying to fix other people. Manipulation and control were my way of life. And yes, I had my own addictions too. Sexual addiction. Sugar and starches. Entertainment. Being right. Wanting to control everything and everyone. I knew I was struggling, but I refused to reach out. I wanted freedom without having to change.

Even though I knew I had these hurts, habits and hang-ups in my life, I never sought out the help of another person. Friends suggested a 12 Step group more than once. I laughed. I told them I did not need that. I knew God. I knew His Word. I believed I needed only one step, God. I believed if I prayed and asked God to remove my struggles, He would. But nothing changed. When it did not change, I became angry and frustrated. My belief system was twisted. I believed prayer meant waiting and doing nothing. I thought that doing anything other than waiting for God to make it happen would be pride. I even thought believing that God had answered my prayer was also pride. It was denial masked as false humility. So I would just pray and hope for change to happen without me doing anything. In recovery I finally saw that God tells me to do something if I want change. I need to put action to my prayers. Prayer without action kept me stuck.

Recovery has taught me something simple but life-changing. I must stop doing what I say I want freedom from. After I ask God for freedom, then I need to take action. I need to ask other people for help. I will not get better if I don’t trust others and let them in. Being honest about my needs and asking for help is no longer a weakness. It is part of how I begin to heal. It is God who heals me, but He does it in relation to me working the steps. I cannot heal myself, and God will not override my refusal to act. For me, taking action now begins with step work.  

Reflection

Where am I waiting for God to help when He may be waiting for me to act?